There must glorious things to turning 40, but I have yet to find them. Of course, I have only been 40 for one day, so granted 40 hasn’t had been given a proper chance to impress me. But I felt the need to make sure that 40 knew what I expected of them, so I helped 40 out by defining clear things I would like to do while it decided to stick around.

1. Wear more wigs, because…why not?
2. Attend more concerts – yes, this requires being amongst other ‘humans’.
3. Don’t take sharp objects to said concerts
4. Dress up more often. Yes, put on a fancy dress and go out and dance.
5. Learn to dance.
6. Pierce more things.
7. Get some tattoos
8. Elevate pain tolerance.
9. Volunteer for political causes.
10. Don’t take sharp objects to said volunteer events.
11. Get Cheyenne through high school, and out of the house.
12. Get Trace through high school, and out of the house.
13. Leave house, move to the city, get one room apartment, make kids stay in hotel when they visit.
14. Attend an opera.
15. A good opera.
16. Start traveling again.
17. Lose weight for passport photo.
18. Finish writing my book.
19. Find creative muse.
20. Sleep with muse.
21. Break up with muse, drink heavily.
22. Repeat steps 19-22, ad infinitum.
23. Learn to speak Spanish.
24. Run marathon
25. Stop drinking and decide on half marathon
26. Pose for pin-up photo.
27. Count number 26 as volunteer effort, since depriving the world of this rack is a travesty.
28. Have less animals in the house.
29. Take in new kitty because he needs a home.
30. Play more poker
31. Learn to stop giggling when I have a great hand.
32. Try to be nicer.
33. Give up on Item 32 three days into being 40.
34. Cook more.
35. Hire someone to clean up after me when I cook.
36. Have sex on the beach.
37. Take down video of sex on the beach from YouTube that some random stranger filmed.
38. Learn to ski.
39. Have a grown up party.
40. Remove all sharp objects from my house before said party.

Alright, 40, you have a lot to do, get to it. Don’t make me lie about having hired you, 39 is just waiting to step up to the plate again.

Welcome aboard!

Every time I see this picture of a street in Little Italy, I think ‘Yeah, this is why I love Baltimore.’

Festival in Little Italy

What is your sexual label? Society demands that we have one, so what is it? Heterosexual, bi, gay, kinky, vanilla, monogamous, polyamorous, pansexual and on and on. Such a label determines how you conduct your sexual life, and the most accepted label is monogamous heterosexual.

Imagine for a moment if you can take off those labels, if you didn’t know what label you were? What if everything was acceptable? Who would you love?

Love has been put into these narrow categories, the frustration from this practice an irritant to many. If I could give you one dare, it would be to take off one label and let your boundaries fall. How may people would you love and be loved by if your choice of partners wasn’t limited by number or sex?

Of course, being able to take off those labels takes an incredible amount of maturity most of us don’t have when it comes to our sex life. It takes self-realization  about what you can handle and what you cannot. Just because are comfortable and can date more person at once, does not mean that your partner can. Or maybe sex with more than one person might sound like a cheap porn fantasy to you, but your partner may find that to be natural and exciting.

All I am saying, is that limits in your sexual life are artificial and imposed before you even reached your sexual maturity. I sincerely doubt this post will encourage you to throw off a lifetime of sexual fetters, but I certainly would like everyone to at least THINK about it.

Each one of us want to be true to ourselves, and our self identity is important. Sexual identity is a big part of the self identity, and I am not making light of such a thing. Nor am I nowhere near qualified to suggest your are not the label you were assigned, I am merely saying there are many labels. Try another one for size, and realize that most are artificially placed upon us.

A self- help saying that goes around a lot is; “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

Well, my question is, “Who would you love if you knew no one would judge you?”

Until next Saturday!

Three months.

I broke. I was doing the whole ‘WE ARE NOT HAVING T.V.” and I cut the cord. I had Netflix and Hulu, what else could I possibly need? Apparently, I need mindless entertainment 24 hours a day.

I made it three months, two of which my kids were not present for. The silence was awesome…until the kids wanted to me to entertain them. What do I look like? A parent? Ahahahhaha, no….seriously.

My son discovered YouTube, and every inappropriate video on said website. I figured that I would rather him watch ‘Deadliest Warrior’ for the umpteenth time then….well, I can’t even talk about it.

So I made it three months without cable TV.

Also? The return of Walking Dead had nothing to do with my reconnection of cable.

YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING!

The Grand Prix was last weekend here in Baltimore, here is picture of the car that won the race in the paddock the day before the race.

Grand Prix Car

How many times have you heard the phrase ‘If you want to have a good time, don’t discuss politics or religion?’ If you are like me, a lot. It burns me up, and, especially in this political climate, is advice you should ignore.

Spout your political opinions, your religious views, hand out flyers, wear t-shirts! Do it ALL!

Why?

Because you (yes, YOU) have forgotten how to listen to someone with differing views. Don’t even try with the excuses, I don’t want to hear it. I see what you call people on the other side of the argument; idiots, brainwashed, Hitler, socialists, sinners, and on and on and on. You know what that means? That means you aren’t LISTENING.

Dammit, listen.

Debate.

Argue.

And then go out and do it with your friends. There is an art to arguing, and we have lost it. Here are some handy tips;

Don’t drop conversation nukes: You know the ones, it’s when people start using phrases to which there is no logical comeback because it is so completely inane. Here’s an example;

“I am going to vote for Obama.”

“You’re a socialist.”

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK do you say to that? It would take an hour to explain political theory an American history to explain why that term is overused and misunderstood. Try this;

“I’m going to vote for Obama.”

“I resent his overreach of government powers, so he’s not for me.”

“Cool. Want a coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

See how different that is? Stop using words like “stupid”, “unamerican”, “deranged”, “asshat” to describe anyone who holds a different views.

You can vote based on religion, but never assume anyone shares your faith or vision, and don’t insist your deity is the ONE TRUE deity. Always leave room for doubt, respect those that don’t believe. Know the difference between science and belief, and never, ever tell someone they are going to your version of hell. You sound like a pompous asshat.

Don’t assume your beliefs/view need to be everyone else’s beliefs/views. One of my favorite lines in the abortion debate is this; “Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one.” To me it really is that simple. Don’t believe in something? Then don’t do it, and don’t assume everyone else shouldn’t either. I respect pro-lifers who simply understand this simple line. You (nor your party or religion) is the curator of morals and good taste. Don’t try to act like it.

Don’t bring the kids into it. WON’T SOMEONE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN? Wait…what? No matter the taxes, social issue, government program it is always the kids who get dragged into it. Look, my 11-year-old just learned to quit picking his nose, he doesn’t give a damn about healthcare. That’s my job to worry about it. Assume if I believe or argue for something, I have already put my children in the equation.

It’s time to learn to argue again. Have a point of view or opinion that’s different than mine? Then by all means, let me hear it -let’s talk about it. I promise not to hate you, think less of you, or ruin a good time talking about politics or religion.

Here’s a little peek into my personality. I was recently asked (when I was have my umpteenth argument with someone) why I even bothered. Because, I said, you will stand toe to toe with me and argue. I have mad respect for that, especially when the argument is a personal one and my temper is engaged. Your friends may be the ones that laugh with you, but my friends? They are the ones that argue with me.

(I know there’s a follow up post to this about knowing when it is time to stop arguing, when enough is enough, but this political season I really want to see more arguing.)

I love kitsch. Odds and ends, oddities, vintage, junk…you name it, I love it. You wouldn’t know that by looking at my house. I just can’t have a lot of stuff around, useless stuff has got to be thrown away. But I have couple of small things, useless kitsch, strewn about…and it makes me happy. My favorite store in Baltimore is located downtown and is called  “The Antique Man”.

And because I like pictures, here is a second batch