My daughter recently asked for a Facebook account. I acquiesced because I saw no harm to it. I monitor her computer activity and felt that I could jump on there and intervene if things got dicey. Well, she recently took one of those quizzes that Facebook perpetuates. You know the ones, they sound really interesting, but in the end they tend to be complete time wasters. I try to avoid these at all costs, but Cheyenne decided she had time to kill (and what 11-year-old doesn’t really) and took a quiz. When I saw the answers I knew I had to share, so insightful were the responses.

(Note to my daughter in the future…this post is not meant to embarrass or otherwise harass you, it’s funny, that’s all)

• What flavor of ice-cream is your favorite?

chocolate

OK, we started off with an easy one. no surprises here

• What would you name your children?

idk porbaly jhon.rose

I sincerely hope that these are two separate names, and not a signal that you intend to saddle your son with the name John Rose, ’cause I am NOT paying for that therapist bill

• What’s your greatest achievement?

winning

And I hope you always get to win…really I do.

• Describe your wildest fantasy

hmm thats hard when i died in my dream

Had she been a couple of years older, this question could have gotten dicey, but fortunately for me we are not there yet. Nonetheless, dying in a dream can be scary. And good job telling facebook, and not, oh…I don’t know…YOUR MOTHER!

• If you had a year to live, what would you do?

i would go to the doctors to see if they could save me

I love the practicality of this answer…awesome

• Is love blind?

yes love can be sometimes

Yeah, for now, but wait ’til you have a boyfriend that can’t keep his eyes in his head, then you will REALLY want to make love blind.

• Do you believe in God?

yes i do

I should be happy that she answered this question in the positive, but I really want her to question this a bit more. But it does show a spiritual side that I believe is necessary to move through life.

• Do you think aliens are watching us?

im am alein just kidding

Just like her mother, all important questions should be answered with sarcasm

• If you could join any band in concert, who would you join?

im in band so i dont have to answer that

I don’t think the intention of this question was to see if you were in a school band, but teenage heartthrobs tend not to faze my daughter so I guess I am glad. But go on, sweetie, aim for the stars.

• If you could have lunch with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?

a dead person my gramma

This question really bothers me because the only person she knew that had died was my ex-stepmother. who succumbed to cancer last year. While I feel for my sister who lost her mother, the truth is that I HATED this woman. Cheyenne only met her once and never got to fully appreciate her special brand of crazy and I don’t have the heart to tell Cheyenne that death has not made her drug-addled, co-dependent, looney actions that I had to put up with any easier to deal with.

• Have you ever jumped on your bed?

yes when i was 4

Well, do it again, and while your at it giggle and laugh just because.

• How many brothers and sisters do you have?

one brothers he a dumbwitted fool

Even on Facebook, Trace gets no love. But I love the words she used. Of course the proper word is dimwitted, but she has put her own special spin on it. Can’t you just feel the love?

• What are 3 things you really like about Nancy?

she my gramma.She tought be how to bead.She is nice and funny

Nancy is my mom and Chey’s nana. She was there when Cheyenne was born and has been a big part of her life. Mom was just here and Cheyenne didn’t want to spend too much time with her, it’s part of the growing process, I know. But this little answer reminds me that they still have a lot of love for each other.

• Tell us a random fact about Tony

he my grampa der

I thought she meant to say ‘dear’ but as I read it out loud, she is saying ‘der’ like ‘duh’. She does not have a lot of respect for you, dear reader.

• If Carla knew today was their last day on Earth, how would they spend it and why?

well she my gramma and if she died i would cry

Carla is the woman my dad married after my other step-mother, and a vast improvement, let me tell you. There are too many questions about death here, and she does not know how to disassemble when questions tear at your heart.

• How has Nancy changed since you first met him/her?

she hasnt changed a bit she my gramma and she hasnt changed

Time stands still for the young. Oh, dear Cheyenne, open your eyes and see that time is passing and it is taking its toll on everyone, even for Nana. Cherish each moment with her.

• Would Carla be a good rapper?

I answered:”"

She did not answer this question, so I am going to go ahead and do it for her. No, my dad’s 50-something, Indiana raised, conservative wife would NOT make a good rapper. Just a guess though.

• What would Rich say if you hugged him/her right now?

I answered:”"

This question is about my brother, she doesn’t have an answer for this one. She hasn’t seen him in 3 or 4 years. I don’t have an answer either. We miss you, Richie, come visit soon.

• If Amy D Phillips went to a costume party, what would he/she wear?

she usally wears black dresses

My costume is that of woman without any love-handles!

• Does Tony like hugs?

from his garnd daughter yes (me)

This question comes off sounding kind of creepy to me, but Cheyenne is able to turn it around.

• Carla is most likely to break the law by

no

Yeah, we are going to skip past the fill-in-the-blank portion and go right to “no”. Good thinking, you never know who’s watching.

• If Nancy was really rich, would you ask him/her for stuff?

NO I HATE MONEY -__-

I am SO going to remind her of this next time WE GO TO THE MALL!

• What does Amy D Phillips do when he/she is bored?

work cause she is my mom

Honey, that’s not boredom, that’s work. And that’s life.

• Could Tony live without a computer?

yes anyone could

I guess she’s right. ANYONE COULD, but would anyone want to? The answer for me is no. For my dad, he thinks the greatest invention is cable news, so yeah, I guess he’d be OK.

• What does Amy D Phillips never leave home without?

her phone

So that when you leave your homework, or flute, or coat at home, I can call you dad and yell at him to get it. Or get goodnight texts from you when I am traveling for work. It’s essential it’s true.

Thanks Cheyenne, for that insight into your personality. It was fun, now if you excuse me, my crops need tending in Farmville.