No, I don’t think we have. You may know who I am, you follow me on twitter, and sometimes you even leave comments on my blog. Thank you for that. Oh, you blog too? I think I remember looking at your blog. Seemed like a good job, not my kind of thing, but I’m here to encourage all the people I can. What was wrong with it? Nothing. It’s like every other mommy blog I’ve read. Yes, your kids are cute and yes, kids are funny- but nothing earthshaking. Now, some of my regular readers are kick-ass mommy bloggers. I highly recommend you read their blog to see how it’s done. What’s that you said? Your children are angels, and you home-school, and make crafts for the needy in your spare time? Yeah? Well, in my spare time I check out which mental hospital / old folks home will take a thirty something mother of three…oops make that two kids and a husband who seems very young sometimes.

You what now? You unfollowed me on twitter? Well, it happens. No, I don’t want to know why. OK…tell me anyway. Offensive? Me? Hell, yeah, I’m offensive. How long did it take you to figure that out? I see that you thought I was a peer, another mommy blogger. To tell you the truth, I HATE that term. Yep, I have kids and, yes, I will exploit them mercilessly for material for this blog, but I don’t want to be mommy blogger. Why? Well, kids grow up and the material will get less interesting. Also, I am a little less inclined to pick on my children then I am say…you. One more reason, I have opinions on just about everything, so why not write about everything.

Apparently, you have a bone to pick with me, so let’s hear it. No, wait…let me guess, you didn’t like my Jesus comment. Technically, Elton John said it first. People were ganging up on him, and I thought that the comment deserved some support. Maybe Jesus WAS gay, who knows? No one- that’s who. I am TOTALLY sure that offends every conservative, religious bone in your body, and that brings me joy. No, no I am not trying to insult you, that is just a pleasant by-product. I think all religions are around to be made fun of, and yours DOES NOT GET A FREE PASS. Did you read that recent study that said that the more religious a person was, the more brain damage they had. Hey, I can’t make this stuff up.

So, maybe Jesus was gay, and maybe Elton John is douche, but more importantly, I think that almost everything is open to ridicule and that is where my true skill is. So now you know, so do the unfollow or the unfriend or whatever, and let me get on with what I was doing. For the rest of you, I don’t know you either, but you seem pretty cool…let’s go get a margarita.