Enter Stage Right

If you follow me on twitter or facebook then you know that my husband and I are divorcing. And if you don’t follow me, then I just told you. It’s about money. Or least we are telling ourselves about money, when really each day I look at him I want to call the police and shout- THERE IS A STRANGER HERE, AND HE IS WEIRD, TAKE HIM AWAY! After nearly 13 years together, we are such different people, I’m not sure if his real name is still John. Not that I use his name. I have so many little pet names for him, that I make sure to change it up. My current favorite is ASSHAT, which is a variation of ASSHOLE. Of course, there are the standards that never go out of style- like JERK and BASTARD. Sometimes we go international with WANKER, but that is only on REALLY special occasions. He has a special list for me to, but he likes to keep it simple, with the tried and true- BITCH.

Actually, we are not really fighting. Everything is so damn civil. When I tell the story of him asking for divorce, I will place us at the dinner table with him saying somthing like “The soup is great, and I want a divorce” and I will reply (in my retelling) with “It’s a new recipe, and I thought you would never ask!” Doesn’t that sound much better than the way it really happened? Text message. I KID. YOU. NOT. He divorced me over text message! And the best part? I was totally cool with it. Like I said, we have been ready for a while.

We haven’t told the kids yet. At the moment we are just telling them that daddy will be moving to Virginia with the Army on his own and we are going to stay in Maryland so that they don’t have to switch schools. I’m not sure if they’re really buying it or just pretending to buy it to help me get through the sheer logistics of dissolving a 12 year union.

So at the moment, we are all actors. Saying our lines at the right time with the right inflection. Today was my daughter’s birthday and we went to a restaurant of her choosing. The weirdness of it struck me when my (soon to be ex) sat down. Soon our meals will be only for 3. I think I’m ready, I hope everyone else is, because I’m not much of a performer.

Cue ASSHAT.

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  • http://www.professionalfamilymanager.com/ Michele

    My husband and I did this dance for three years. He took a job out-of-state and comes back on weekends. Isn't it strange how it feels so okay? People tell me all the time that this must be so hard, and, really, it never was…it was more of a relief that he wasn't around and I could just be myself. I'm lucky…he's not such an a**hat anymore…or maybe it's the break that makes it better, I don't know. But when you talk about ending a marriage and it just seems like an okay thing to do…well, it tells you a lot, doesn't it?

  • http://www.professionalfamilymanager.com/ Michele

    Hmmm…only part of my comment posted. ????? Anyway, I had added best of luck to you, hang in there, and I hope it all works out positively for you and the kids.

  • http://www.melsboxofchocolates.com/ Mel's Box of Chocolates

    It sounds like this is a good thing for you, but I know that it must be a lot to take in and adjust too. I'm thinking of you and your kiddos and hope that things go easily for you all. Good luck and count me in for the party!

  • http://www.ooph.com/ Stefanie

    The divorce text huh? You should start a company that has pre-written divorce texts and people could pick one and…oh never mind.

    I would say I am sorry, but this sounds to me like the same feelings I had when my ex and I divorced. Though a sad ending, it was the beginning of many new and wonderful things. I am now remarried and have never been happier. Your happiness will come. Good for you for going in search of it.

  • http://theamaturegigolo.blogspot.com/ TAG

    Glad it was ok with you. Still that is the sort of news best done in person, face to face.

    I don't claim to be perfect. But at least I had the balls to tell my soon to be Ex in the living room.

    I know exactly what you mean about folks wanting to say they are sorry. I always replied with: “don't be sorry, we aren't”.

    Next you'll find lots of family and friends asking if you are “ok”. Guess some were shocked when I replied with a “Hell Yea. I'm better than ok, life is good”.

    Best of luck to you.

    TAG

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