Do you know how I gauge how odd a person’s life is? By how many times they have to avow it truthiness during its telling. On this scale, my life is off the odd Richter scale.

And here is an example. I have a deathly fear of spiders. Why? And no, it’s not just because I’m A GIRL! When I was 5 or 6 I was wearing this blue dress (I don’t remember why, my mom wasn’t the put-my-girls-in-dresses type). A spider crawled up my leg and bit me. And don’t give me that “It’s more scared of you then you are of it” crap. Don’t tell me that spider doesn’t look around at all us bipedals, and think- I have EIGHT LEGS, I TOTALLY RULE! Now, let me crawl a little towards you and see how fast those two legs move. You know how people emmigrate ‘casue they want jobs and freedom and trivial stuff like that? Screw that- if I was born in the middle east I would leave just because of the camel sweats. (SEE?! I’m too chicken to even Google it for you so I can show how nasty these little arachnids are). Anyhoo, I have a point and here it is.

Are you ready?

My dad decided that good pet to have while I was growing up was a tarantula. SHIT. YOU. NOT. It’s name was Clyde (Yes, my dad’s hero was Clint Eastwood, but more about that later). And no, I don’t remember WHY he decided to get this nasty looking dude. But I DO know that he sat on top of our console TV for, like, 8 years. Cartoons just don’t have the same feel when a hairy spider is sitting on top of you TV.

I do owe a little bit of a debt to Clyde, however. In the eighth grade I brought him for science class. Perhaps, my only moment of coolness in my tortured teen years. Although, sitting with his octagonal cage on my lap on the bus made me VERY nervous. BUT! BUT! No teasing that day! Back off, or I will loose this SPIDER on you!

I swear this is all true. See how odd my life is?