This Public Service Announcement started out as a joint effort but then Amy from Accidental Musings and GuiltySquid but GuiltySquid’s head exploded. I post this in her honor.

Know what the number one cause of death is? Some people might TELL you it’s cancer or heart disease. But it’s not, it’s head explosion. I cannot TELL you how many times a day I am in peril from suffering a bloody and spontaneous end due to this horrible occurrence.

This fateful disease starts off with Stage One: a silly remark causes some eyerolls,

Stage Two: another idiotic comment brings about the facepalm

Stage Three: which usually progresses to *headesk*.

It is at this point that I usually walk away from the conversation, eye twitching a signal that I am in danger for my LIFE.

Sometimes you don’t even have a chance to progress through the stages. Sometimes you must walk away immediately. Here is an example:

Person A: Avatar was the best movie ever.

Me: I gotta go…

Person A: Don’t you want to hear why? Hey, I think something is wrong with your eye.

At least this is probably what they say, I don’t really know, I’m running away by this point.

Of course, on some level we all expect to have this potential life threatening moments with idiots. Which, by the way, are everywhere and damn near impossible to avoid. Like mosquitoes. And who loves mosquitoes? Nobody, that’s who. But the ones who think that they are funny when it’s just not and never ever get that no one is laughing at their stabs at humor and instead just look like they’ve been stabbed? And use the same stupid not funny comments that aren’t close to qualifying as jokes over and over and over again? They need their own category of life threatening. I think they are Head Explosion Threat Level: FUCHSIA – and consider yourself warned – they cannot be avoided.

Socially Awkward CoWorker: You working hard or hardly working?
Me in my head: CRAP ON A FLIPPING CRACKER! At this point it’s HARDLY WORKING since you’ve asked me that 82 freaking times in the past six hours and while we’re not on the topic but nearly everything you do drives me crazy now would you PLEASE stop suggesting that we go to Baskin-Robbins EVERYGODDAMN AFTERNOON? We went ONCE without you and GUESS WHAT? I’ll go without ice cream for the rest of my life instead of going with YOU. That’s right, I’ll quit ice cream COLD TURKEY and then I’ll hate you even more than I do now because I’ve been trying to type this same freaking email ALL DAY and you won’t leave me alone long enough to get it finished which begs the question – what the hell are you even paid to DO here? Whatever it is, I can tell you it sure as hell that you aren’t getting paid to stand around and say, “Looks like a Baskin-Robbins afternoon.” It’s not. Just stop. Please dear doG make it STOP. Why in the hell can’t it STOP?

Me out loud: Still just working.

Socially Awkward Coworker: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Sometimes, this will be followed by an inane: Don’t work TOO hard and another laugh. Really? REALLY? Because it’s difficult to get to the point of WORKING HARD when you won’t let me WORK.)

Me: *eye twitch*

And that’s when they’ll go in for the kill. People, I beg you, if you have related to us at all by this point, you’ll heed my advice and run before this happens on a 103F day.

Socially Awkward Coworker: Phew! Is it hot enough for you today?

I’d go on, but unfortunately, my head exploded RIGHT THEN. I’m thinking I probably should change the threat level on these and that also I may have some pent up anger issues.

The more you know…

GuiltySquid and I are concerned for your wellbeing, please be vigilant and protect yourself.

Of course, some head explosions are unavoidable. For our next joint post, we will tell you what to do in the event of a head explosion.