(To understand this story you have to know that the only person Mary wants have babies with MORE than Bob (her husband) or Matt Lauer is Jon Stewart. Perfectly reasonable. So she tried to arrange for an interview with Jon as part of her role as writer for Suite101. There was a moment there we thought it was going to happen, but he has decided not to do interviews until he starts press for his new book- titled Earth (available on Amazon September 21) )
We have waited in line for 2 hours, gotten to our seats, sat through the warm-up stand-up comedian guy, and Jon is on stage and taking questions. Of course, the FIRST question he take is from size 2, blond hair Scandinavian beauty. I might be a little resentful, but I’ll never tell. But while he is answering her question, he is scanning the crowd for the next question. OF COURSE, my hand is up, we briefly make eye contact, and I know he is going to call on me. I’m all SWEET! Then it dawns on me that I need something to actually ASK. I put something together in my head, and what follows is my conversation with Jon Stewart, a magical 20 seconds, I shall never ever forget.
Me (standing up): Hi, I’m Amy (I don’t know why I told him my name like we are in some support group or shit, but whatever).
Jon: Hi Amy (He says this with a look of “why did this girl just tell me her name? weeeirdoooo”)
Me: I’m here with four other bloggers and we are going to write about our experience at the Daily Show. What would you like us to write about?
Jon: How about how short I am? (he really is y’all)
Me: No, we already got that. Anything else?
Jon: You mean something like: (he lowers his voice) “ The lights dimmed, he appeared out of the shadows, with his bulging biceps….” Something like that?
Me: Sure (witty response there, Amy)
Jon: Do you find it exhausting to post every day?
(I’m not prepared for any questions! Who does he think he is?! I decide I am NOT going down alone, and a plan is hatched.)
Me: Well, not really, I mean, I only post a couple of times a week, but Mary, our most popular blogger among us2, posts EVERY DAY.
(Jon turns his attention to Mary, who won’t even stand up, but that’s OK, because my plan HAS WORKED!)
Jon: Oh yeah? Mary, what do you write about?
Mary: How hot you are (I cannot make this shit up).
Jon: Ohhhh (he turns around lifts up the tail of his coat to better show his ass to his adoring fan) So that’s very interesting (he says some other things that are lost in audience laughter but his ass is still clearly on display, pants though it is.)
At this point he moves on3, and Mary turns to us, with a huge smile on her face and says:
“He talked to me through his ASS!”4