A couple of months ago, I was surfing twitter profiles (I do that sometimes, when people do follow Fridays or having conversations with people I don’t know. I like to see who it is and if I want to follow them.) I came across a profile with a bio that stopped me in my tracks. Here is what it said: “My reputation is impeccable, you do not fuck with me.”  ((yes, I know it’s a line from Jay-Z’s song ‘Success’, but I didn’t know that when I first saw it)) I rolled my eyes and thought- Classy.

But I couldn’t get it out of my head. And the other day I figured out why- THAT is the impression I try to give people. Before you roll your eyes and think “Classy”, stick with me for a second.

I’m going to assume you have never met me before. This is how it is going to go down. For the most part we will meet in a group, we will shake hands, make small talk for a second or two. I’ll answer in small short sentence to discourage follow-up questions and real conversation, cause I want to get to the next stage quickly. Observation.

I love to observe. What does your accent, dictation, and vocabulary tell me about your upbringing and education level? How quickly do you move to controversial topics like religion or politics? (If you do it during a first meeting, even if I am with someone you know, it’s a sign you’re a blowhard). What do you talk about? I will forget your name (don’t take it personally, my brain has some damn malfunction in that area) but I won’t forget where you’re from, how many children you have, that one of them takes ballet and that you wear a pair of shoes I covet. Next, how do you treat the people around you? Wait staff, friends, significant other.

Sometime, in the conversation, you’ll turn to me and say “you’re quiet.” No, no I’m not. I’m just gathering information. I’ll engage with you on any subject if you so choose, but, more often than not, I will wait until I know you better to let my true personality come out.

What is my true personality? I am caring, but will not allow self pity; I am giving, but don’t read minds, tell me what you need; I am respectful and polite, but direct; I am vivacious and loud; but hopefully share the spotlight with everyone around me; I love to talk, but enjoy quiet just as much; I don’t sugarcoat the truth; I will argue with you, and love you for not being afraid to argue with friends; I will cross the line, and then I will apologize- repeatedly; in anger, I am mean, foul-mouthed, and emotional, but I get over it; and should we not get along I can be vicious, but more often than not, I will simply walk away.

I decided a long time ago that life was too short to be scared of it.

My reputation is impeccable, you do not fuck with me.

It’s always the quiet one…..