A Shipwreck

I laugh when people say “I was overwhelmed, too.” Not at their kindness, for that is what it is. And I am grateful that they extend it to me. But I laugh nonetheless.

These people forget what I do for a living.

I work for people who are mentioned on the news, a company with billions in revenue. When I walk into rooms, and the company that I work for is printed on my name tag- people come to me.

I am not overwhelmed, nothing about this experience can overwhelm me more than the work I do on a daily basis.

But I am in distress nonetheless. A distress and sadness that is pushed down and put into nice little boxes and set on a shelf. Until the shelf is full, and I have no more boxes.

The waves of sadness come in, and threaten to overwhelm. One wave after another…

I am divorced.

I am single.

I am broke.

I am busy.

There are too many emails to return, calls to make, appointments to keep.

To go under is inevitable for women in my family. We always do. Sometimes for moments, sometime for years, sometimes more.

We are shipwrecked and marooned on our island with only our depression to keep us company. Until we tire of the sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness.

Then we wade into the water and head for shore. We take a piece of depression with us, but we are grateful for those who who extend their hand to help pull us up.

The new friends.

The old friends.

Family.

We know that we will be overwhelmed and sad again, and we get out our boxes and start to fill them up. Until we end up on the island again.

But I have hope. Because even though every woman in my family knows depression inside and out, even though we have sat on that island and contemplated the depths of our despair. We always swim back.

We always come back,

Always.

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  • http://creative.spayce.com pixielation

    I'd send you some scuba gear if I could. Or at least a nice cushion for your island. I hope you don't stay there too long!

  • http://twitter.com/xtremeparnthood Sunday Stilwell

    I saw so much of myself in this post. The way you described the depression and the constant need to keep going in the midst of sinking lower and lower…heartbreakingly true.
    I too have felt myself sinking in the past few weeks. Its gradual and yet at the same time it feels like an avalanche.

  • amydpp

    I got up out of bed to write this post, that's how bad my day was at BlogHer. People would offer to hug me and I would dissolve into tears. I'm better now, but I wish you were here, I know you'd understand.

  • amydpp

    I'm already swimming back. And Ioved waking up this morning and seeing a comment from you. I owe you so much. Truly.

  • http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/ Holly B

    during the times that you are too weak to swim… just float till you gain your strength again. We need more of you around.

  • http://twitter.com/xtremeparnthood Sunday Stilwell

    I wish I was there too. More than you know.

  • http://twitter.com/rockdrool Melissa

    i adore you.
    i do! xo

  • http://www.magpiemusing.com magpie

    Rough. Sorry you had a hard time of it at BlogHer – I was happy to meet you though!

  • Anonymous

    float, I can float. I can do that.

  • Anonymous

    There were some bright spots, and meeting awesome people like you was one of them.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you, and I had such a great time meeting you and your hair. :)

  • http://www.mybottlesup.com nic @mybottlesup

    i owe you an apology. when we spoke, i did not catch on to this… i should’ve, but i didn’t. regardless of reasons, us heading to a wedding, being in a loud car, etc… whatever. i’m sorry that i wasn’t there for you in a better way.

  • Anonymous

    You were fine, you always are. No worries.

  • http://luckypuppy.net/ Walt313

    Wow did I read this at the right time. I could’ve wrote it. I’ll start swimming back today. Thanks for the shove into the water.

  • Anonymous

    You’re welcome. Always nice to know that other people experience the same things. Makes me feel less alone. {{HUGS}}

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