I wasn’t going to write this post

Really…

I wasn’t.

It’s no secret that I hated BlogHer, that I left early, that I didn’t….fit in.

It’s true. I didn’t want to admit that, I didn’t want to be upset by it. I want to move on. But I can’t write anything until I write this post. Nothing else will come to mind.

So I vowed to change, to be more likable, to be less me. Smile more, chat more, pretend to be interested more.

And then I know if I do that, I would never write again. Not. A. Single. Word.

To realize that I was a NOT- not ‘part’ of the group, not invited when other bloggers I knew got together, not in the right place- cut me to the core.

Where does that leave me? The same place I have always been. On the outside looking in, on the periphery.

There are people that I finally got to meet in NY that I loved, and will go out of my way to meet again. Others I had been dying to meet, but a few seconds with them was more than I needed to realize that they were not for me.

I couldn’t find my mojo, my verve, my awesomeness.

This is the part where I vow never to set foot in BlogHer again. Except I can’t. Cause I might.

I’m hardcore like that.

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  • http://creative.spayce.com pixielation

    sorry that you didn't find your mojo :( But it's still better to be yourself than to pretend you're someone you're not in order to fit into a clique. I find that people who tend to form clique's don't make the best company oftimes.

  • http://twitter.com/subWOW I'm not Rosie!

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience. It was intimidating and unnerving. I didn't realize you were having a hard time. For the record I thought you were very nice and friendly, and you had a good smile for me…

  • thepeachy1

    My life slogan is ” life is not a journey it's a job” see also-”life ( conferences) are what you make of it.” Sorry you couldn't find you mojo in time. That's an internal issue. If you attempt to not be you. Do you think the others will not see through it? Is that how you want to live? If you can't find the party, make one. I am sure there were about 1000 others there that felt the same way. This isn't high school it's life.. Live it.. Grab it by the hair and enjoy yourself. Or not, you can just write stuff like this forever and see yourself as a victim.

  • http://twitter.com/Lindatweetsalot Linda

    I am sorry that you had a bad experience : (

  • Diningdish

    Unfortunately we may graduate high school but we never leave it behind. There are always mean girls. Your awesomeness has not been compromised. It is a life lesson and it will give you a couple good posts

  • http://creative.spayce.com pixielation

    Also, I don't understand the idea of all the private parties. Surely there should have been one big happy “do” for all to attend during the evening? Don't you go to meet and make new friends? I know that there was a stupidly vast number of people there, so clearly it would be a tricky logistical task, but it's not impossible to stage or provide a social gathering for those numbers.

  • http://twitter.com/rockdrool Melissa

    i'm sorry you didn't like it. but regardless, you better get your ass over to san diego next year. because i want to see you again. so. there.

  • http://www.bugginword.com BugginWord

    I was already thinking of you this morning, even before I read this. I watched this beautiful video (which I'm totally going to cheat and use as my post today) but it made me think of you and your post from earlier this week. I think alone can be good. It open us up for whole new conversations with whole new people that we might not have ever met – like gorgeous blondes with great wit and a penchant for tricking bloggers into getting naked.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs&feat…

  • Anonymous

    Too many flashbacks to high school. But I am assured that my mojo hasn’t gone far, it should return soon.

  • Anonymous

    And you gave me the Domo pouch, was I LOVE. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. So that always gets a smile!

  • Anonymous

    Thank you, I appreciate that. Here’s hoping BlogWorld is fantastic.

  • Anonymous

    It’s true, I’m sure that there were plenty of other people who felt the same way. Next time I will find them. And for the record, I NEVER see myself as a ‘victim’. And life may not be high school, but BlogHer sure felt like it sometimes.

  • Anonymous

    I agree, and I’m done posting about it. I just couldn’t find anything to write about until I got this out of my system.

  • Anonymous

    I am giving it serious thought, I promise.

  • Anonymous

    Those private parties are ridiculous, I swear. This year, the hot ticket was the Ralph Lauren party. Which I was fine not going to since I’m not a fashion blogger nor do they make anything my size. But even the parties I DID go to were not that well done (like the Martha Stewart party) so I’m not sure of the point. Who knows.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for all your support, you are just a superstar. I am fine being alone, really. This was just a different kind of alone, a not comfortable in your skin alone. Very strange for me.
    But I did love that video and your post today that went with it.

  • Anonymous

    This is why I was not jealous when I saw all the Blogher tweets. Because I would have felt the same way.

  • http://twitter.com/maggielmcg maggielmcg

    Reading this makes me SO glad I didn’t cut my vacation short and go to BlogHer, as I was toying with doing, because I know I’d have felt the same way you did.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, I had a bad experience, but some of that was my own doing. All I know is that BlogHer isn’t for everyone, and for the techie, it offers very little. But I might try again, Who knows?

  • Anonymous

    And its totally not like me. But the whole vibe was wrong for me somehow.

  • http://twitter.com/LisaEirene Lisa Eirene

    This may sound petty but I generally am not excited about all these blogger/healthy living summit stuff….I can’t afford to jetset across the country to PAY to go to seminars. While it would be cool to be part of the “in crowd” I have other priorities in my life. And I get sooo annoyed with reading blogs when they all post the same recaps from the seminars. Same food. Same experiences. Same photos. Same posts. Boring! I just skip all those posts until it’s all over. :)

  • Tiarastantrums

    It was so nice to meet you (I’m sure you don’t remember) . . . I sort of felt like you, people were nice, but always looking over their shoulders for someone else. Which I am totally okay with, I know I am quiet. But I think I’m cool, I just wanted to be included more!

  • Anonymous

    I know. That’s why I didn’t have a ‘recap’ post.. You’re right, they’re kind of all the same. But I didn’t need to write this, to get it out of my system.

  • Anonymous

    Me too, next time- we just include ourselves in our cool stuff. Deal?

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