Daily Rant – Halloween Style

Halloween is over. The kids have taken off their costumes, played Candy trader, and buzzed around working off their sugar high. I know that the kids days celebrating Halloween are almost over, so we enjoy it while it lasts. I LOVE Halloween, but even so I think there are some things that can we agree on. Here are 10 things that drive me crazy about Halloween:

10. I don’t like Snooki on TV. I totally didn’t need to see like 10 of her with in 5 sqaure blocks in DC on Saturday night.

9. Slutty costumes. If you are under 18 or over 35, I think we can agree it’s a bad idea.

8. Candy Crimes- Things like Laffy Taffy (banana flavor, are you KIDDING me?!), smarties, and Candy Corn are things that should be banished from the Halloween buckets.

7. Parents on cell phones. Can we agree that the one time that your kids are roving the streets after dark is the one time maybe you shouldn’t be distracted by your cell phone?

6. Taking your dog with you. I’m not scared of your dogs and neither are my children, but many children are. Plus the younger the child, the more overwhelming the experience, let’s not add a hulking beast to the mix.

5. “We don’t celebrate Halloween” disclaimer. I get it. In an effort to get your ass into heaven you have become the biggest kill-joy EVER. Fine. But either you are giving out candy or you aren’t. Tying a disclaimer to your candy in an effort to save your ‘Godliness’ is pretentious. And I think we all know how much I love that particular quality.

4. Trick-or-treating for your child. If your child is under a year, dressing them up in a costume is fun, but taking them trick-or-treating is pointless. At 2, they can go about a dozen houses, then they’re done. And let’s be honest with ourselves, you aren’t going to let them have much, if any, of that candy at all. Take that child out of the cold.

3. Trick-or-treating with a garbage bag. Can we please send our children out with something BESIDES a garbage bag. It doesn’t have to be great, maybe a reusable store bag, or a satchel? I mean, let’s class it up a little, folks.

2. Trick-or-treating without a costume. A little effort please?

1. Trick-or-treating past 14. Really, 14 is it. Older and I’m going to assume you’re being a douche. A teenage douche, but a douche nonetheless. There are plenty of things for people of all ages to do, but trick-or-treating isn’t one of them.

Otherwise, all bets are off. Now, if you don’t mind I need to stealthily raid my daughter’s bucket for Snicker’s.

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  • http://www.magpiemusing.com magpie

    #5 – really? People do that? If you don’t celebrate Halloween, you should be hiding under the bed with all the lights out.

  • http://twitter.com/ChefAshbabe Ashley

    Alright, then I’m gonna have to either have another kid or manage to coax my cousin into letting me take her kid trick or treating next year.. Dammit.

    Although, I’m totally with you on the candy issue.. Laffy Taffy and candy corn must go.

    Another thing.. Parents who let their little ones under 10 go trick or treating without an adult, those parents are idiots. I saw at least 10 kids last night out without their parents trick or treating and there’s been shit on the news about a guy trying to lure kids in my neighborhood.. my kid is 14, I went along with him (in my defense he’s almost a foot taller than him and it was dark, so I just looked like a girl who didn’t want candy, in my long black sweater, red lipstick and dark shades on)

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  • http://www.prettyalltrue.com Kris

    OK, your points . . . one at a time.

    10) Snookie is like one of those little troll dolls on crack. Who doesn’t love trolls on crack?

    9) Under 18? Agreed. But us old sluts? We live for Halloween. Shut up and deal with it.
    8) Anything banana-flavored is disgusting. Why is it so hard to reproduce the loveliness of a banana in artificial flavoring? But Smarties and Candy Corn? Those are two of my favorite candies in the world. Do not talk crap about the Smarties!

    7) Agreed. Except that I did have to call my husband (who took the girls out trick-or-treating last night) to ask him when the hell he was coming back home. And then there may or may not have been some sex texting. And he didn’t lose either of our children. So there.

    6) Agreed. Dogs need to stay home on Halloween.

    5) Agreed. Plus? These people’s houses should be egged.

    4) Who are you to judge? Mommies of toddlers need candy.

    3) Garbage bags RULE!

    2) Agreed.

    1) My favorite trick-or-treaters? The douchey teenagers. Seriously. I love them. They are all awkward and candy-needing, trapped between childhood and adulthood. Love them.

    I am so happy you have invited me here today. I do like to voice my opinion.

    Snort!

  • Anonymous

    I am so out for you now, even if I may agree with one or two of your points. Of course, I’ll never admit that. :D

  • Anonymous

    My daughter is 11, and this was the first year I let her go on her own. Well, not on her own, but with her friend and her friend’s dad. But, yea, by themselves- NEVER.

  • Anonymous

    Agree, and yes, they did. It happened two or three times while I lived in North Carolina.

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