Since the divorce I find myself doing many things that maybe I wouldn’t have done while married and this week was no exception. I decided to pierce my nose. Yeah, it’s as painful as it sounds, but I endured. A win for ME! (Cause I’m all hard like that).

Alas, it was not to be. This morning I woke to look at my nose and not see the stud. It’s fallen out, I figured. No, it had pocketed. That’s a real piercing term, and, again, as bad as it sounds.

Off I went to the tattoo/ piercing parlor. I figured they would just screw the stud back up and all would be fine. I am such an optimist. Nope, he had to screw out the stud and then put in a new one, but I am a red head. Let me explain what that means.

As a red head, my body seems to work in really strange ways. There is no way to hide my embarrassment as my face will turn BRIGHT red. And when something on me swells up, it swells up in magnificent proportions. It really is spectacular. In fact, when I was giving birth and they had to put a catheter in, it didn’t go in right the first time. And….well, let’s stop there. I will never eat plums again. Also, doctors should not explain what is going wrong with your lady parts in term of food. Word for the wise, there.

Anyhoo, he pulled out the ‘pocketed’ stud. Then tried to put another one in, which wouldn’t go in. IT GETS BETTER. So he re-pierces it with a bigger needle. I literally am sitting there on the table with a huge needle going from my nose down to my lip. And tears, lots and lots of tears. Then he takes out the HUFE EFFING NEEDLE and tried to put in another stud. By this time, my body had decided too swell up to proportions only know to clown noses. It’s not going in, but not for lack of him trying. Again and again.

Where did it all end? With the piercer giving up and saying “Let it heal for two weeks and then we’ll try it again.” I’m too traumitized to think about two weeks from now.

How about a eyebrow piercing?

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