It’s not easy to do. Really, I’m pretty tough. But it happened, I got my feelings hurt. I recently took a new Social Media Director position. Initially, I was excited. But then something weird happened. I talked with one of the team members. She was really stand-offish and, just…..well, the whole conversation was strange. And it was followed with, wait for it….an unfriend on FaceBook. I tried not to let it get to me, but it did.

<tangent> Here’s where I pause for a second and talk about my time in school (elementary, middle and high). I don’t often talk about it, to be frank, the memories are painful for me.  But the short story is – I was ALWAYS one of (if not THE) most unpopular person in every school I went to. I was weird. And not a good kind of weird; nope, a really messed-up kind of weird. I know that for some people there is still some debate of whether a ADHD diagnosis is a valid diagnosis, but, for me, that conversation is long over. Having one of the most severe cases that a person can have makes for a very lonely childhood. It’s a childhood of bullying and sitting alone in every lunchroom, and sidelong looks as you walk down the hall. Every day you just want to make it to the next without crying or hitting someone or wishing to disappear. I don’t regret that sort of childhood, it made me who I am. And, not to toot my own horn, I’m one tough broad.  </tangent>

BUT….

I’m still that weird, awkward person today. I’ve learned to love and embrace the weirdness that is me. I know that you think my tagline is cute “Queen Of Inappropriate, Princess of Randomness, and the Duchess of the Non-Sequitur”, but I didn’t choose it for that reason. The things that come out of my mouth really are random and inappropriate. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m going to say until nano-seconds before I say it. I’ll always be the girl sitting by herself at the unpopular kids table. I’m OK with it, really. But what I DON’T do is allow anyone to make me feel like I felt every damn day in school. I’m 38 damn years old, and an adult. If you have an issue with me- say it. Win or lose (and, oh yes, I do lose sometimes) I much prefer a head-to-head confronation as opposed to sidelong looks, hastily covered -up smirks, passive-aggressive bullshit or a thousand other things that make me feel like that 15-year-old in braces again.

Today, I had that feeling again; that feeling of not ‘fitting in’.  It was like a smack in the face. It came to head over something trivial, a discussion over FaceBook admins. The person I was talking to said “Oh, just leave it.” “No,” I said. “We don’t want them on there.” AND THERE IT WAS. The exchanged looks between women who don’t know/like me, the smirk. I lost my shit. I did it quietly, though. Aren’t you proud? I packed up my stuff, and walked the mile back to my hotel in effort to cool my anger. It worked.

By the time I entered the hotel lobby, I knew two things; one- those ladies didn’t like or respect me, two- they don’t believe I’m capable at the position.

Well, you know what? Screw them. I’m not being paid to do this, I came on because I believe in the organization and there was a lot to do. The twitter account was a mess (still is, there is still a LOT of work to do), no cohesive social media strategy, some clear content mistakes, etc. Also, one of those ladies was the person I have been sharing a room with, and feeling bad about keeping awake with my snoring. Now I’m all, ‘have fun being kept awake, ho!’

Anyway, like I was saying….

I think I’ll move on, without any drama or finger-pointing. I still believe in what they do, and they do it better than a lot of people out there. They will find someone new, who will be AWESOME. And me? I won’t have to worry about either crying in bathroom or going to jail for hitting someone.

The lesson? Some women never leave high school, some are always bullies, and some just don’t try. Me? I only have one part of my soul that is fragile, and you have walked all over it. But you haven’t diminished my talent, or the ability to do the job (better than you, in fact); I’ll just be doing it for someone else.