As I get older I find  new exciting things have come to visit. Sadly, none of those things is Jeremy Renner. No, new feelings and quirks that really….I didn’t ask for. Judy Blume should have written books for those of us turning 40.

Freckle Juice
Andy discovers a new cocktail. It cures the motion sickness, and tastes good going down and coming up. Also, there is meaningless sex.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Margaret wants to go around and smack idiots but is afraid it might land her in jail. This is a story about a woman’s struggle with the Stupid People, while at the same time confronting issues brought about by her 40th birthday. Should she take more anti-depressants? Why is the doctor so stingy about the Xanax? Does she really have to wear a push-up bra to get laid? When will her period END already, not liking she’s popping out more babies. Turns out God doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Margaret.

Then Again, Maybe I Won’t
The kids keep insisting on being fed three meals a day even though they know how to make macaroni and cheese. The ex keeps being an ass, and Tony still doesn’t have a housekeeper. Turns out people are assholes, but there is a great section on vibrators and masturbation so it’s not a total loss.

Man, I would read the SHIT out of books like that.

Sadly, Judy Blume didn’t write books for women turning 40, so I’m kind of on my own here. Imagine my surprise when anxiety came out to play and then stayed. And never left.

Yep, as I turn 40 I have been beset by the VERY unwelcome house-guest known as anxiety. And it kind of sucks. I get locked into a cycle of ‘everything is going wrong please everyone go away’ or even better ‘everyone hates me and I am so horrible’.

Fun times.

When I get locked into one of these spirals, I can’t even answer email, much less write or function.

Turns out this whole anxiety is a side effect of the anti-depressants I have been taking for years now. I really love the anti-depressants, and it is a common side effect. Soooo….yeah. Looks like anxiety is here to stay.

Awesome.

Judy Blume – call me. You know those book ideas rock. Don’t even pretend.