There is some stuff I will never, ever understand. It helps to keep a handy list. So here goes – stuff I will never, ever get;

Camping – I tried to like this. It seemed like a good idea – get away from ‘everything’ and reconnect with nature. Then I realized nature had things like spiders, centipedes, and mosquitoes. The next best option seemed to stay inside while looking at nature. This is called ‘Staying at a lodge’ and isn’t a new thing. Who knew? It costs money and I don’t like nature that much. Which brings me to;

Hiking – See above. Also, if I’m hiking, it better be because there is shoe store at the end of that trail.

Vampires – I don’t get it. EVERYONE loves vampires. Whether it’s the classics with Bram Stoker, to the modern Twilight, everyone I know thinks these things are the awesome. Nope. Not me. Why? Well, they’re DEAD. That means no sex, and, um how awkward would that be? I know what you’re thinking – they’re fictional creatures, why are you worried about their sex life? BECAUSE. Nevermind. Also, I get to see blood four days a month, nothing special about it. Trust me.

Summer – Just…no. “Let’s go do stuff!…. Outside!” Fuck no. It’s hot. Go away. Wake me in November.

Olympics – I didn’t watch a single event. I don’t feel like I missed anything. OK, I might have missed that awesome photo of the guy with hard-on during the medal ceremony, but other than that? Nah

I’m sure there are other things, but that is what has been on my mind lately. Yeah, it’s been a slow season.