Life is busy, and I’m easily distracted by bright shiny objects. Remember that dog from Up, who couldn’t complete a sentence with sensing a squirrel. That’s me, trying to write ANYTHING. And, of course, everything stops while I chase said squirrel.

(I just answered four tweets during the line break).

I have been trying to expand my writing by doing some ACTUAL writing. For respected publications and stuff. (Note: editors do not like it when you end a sentence with ‘and stuff’). I expected it to be a piece of cake. I mean you all come and read and I don’t hear any complaints from you. And not just because you know I would slap the taste out of your mouth if you actually tried to complain. Nope, it’s love. I can feeeeeeeell it.

(I just watched an episode of Burn Notice during that line break).

Turns out, I am not a good writer. Apparently there is a difference between writing a blog and writing for a publication. Even for the web portion of the publication. And on top of that, they have the NERVE to demand deadlines. I KNOW, who ARE these people, right? Don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to write in AP style’ crap. Nightmare, utter nightmare.

What am I doing wrong? I have no earthly idea. That’s not true, they are being super nice and trying to ‘develop’ my writing style. Mildly related: Develop has an alternate meaning- Putting up with your shit until you get it together.

Who knew I was such a bad writer? And so boring?

Stay tuned. Now to distract from my awful writing, here’s a picture of my kitten.

SQUIRREL!

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Hey y’all. Look I try to be awesome to my readers. I don’t do memes, linkys, giveaways, contests, shameless pandering to other bloggers, writing prompts, give me money for my cause, or any of that annoying shit. I take the high road, or the lazy road, either way I like what I do on this blog. A lot. This one time, now, though I would like to take a moment and ask you to vote for me. Just this once. Why this time? Because this is for an award in Baltimore, and I love Baltimore, and I would love to be recognized in Baltimore.

I’m up for a Mobbie. Several Mobbies, in fact. This blog is up for best in Humor, Misfits and Photography. Plus best twitter feed (personal). Win or lose, I promise not to make this a regular habit, but your vote would mean a lot. Sadly, the Baltimore Sun is making you become a registered user to vote and the voting page is, at best, buggy, but still.

So could you? Would you? Vote for me, and you can vote EVERY DAY. Woo!

(‘official rules‘)

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Have you seen that new Under Armour commerical with all the hot, buff chicks proclaiming that they will “protect this house.” I totally get it. (<TANGENT>: Not the whole exercise crap, I’ll bet you donuts to dollars not a one of those buff bitches has ever had to leave a workout because her son is having meltdown due to XBOX live being down. Nosiree, know why? Cause they don’t have kids </TANGENT>). But that’s not my point, the point is you should protect your stuff.

The latest blog brouhaha is over a blog called Mommy Outnumbered¹. If you read the comments on her posts you will see that she is ‘stealing’ posts from various blogs. Just out and out stealing them. That takes nerve, my friends, lots and lots of nerve. The bloggers are understandably mad about it. The stealing is probably not hurting the orginators traffic, but it doesn’t change the fact that whole thing is just plain weird. I don’t know any the bloggers involved, but here is my advice to the writer of Mommy Outnumbered:

Stop it. What you’re doing is probably not illegal (due to the behemoth that is the Digital Millennium Copyright Act or DMCA and its various loopholes), but it’s creepy. And creepy is creepy, and wrong.

Also, to the bloggers out there who are concerned their stuff might be stolen: here is a most EXCELLENT article on how to protect your stuff and what to do if it’s stolen.

Bottom Line: Bloggers it’s YOUR responsibility to protect your ‘house’ (read: blog), not your readers responsibility, not your friends responsibility. If you don’t have even the simplest copyright notice on your blog, fix it. Now. Cause people WILL steal you stuff.

1. not to be confused with a friend’s blog- Outnumbered, which is NOT stolen material, and, in fact, is awesome

My kids are at camp for the week, and I’m taking the time to catch up at work. You know, the job that ACTUALLY pays the bills. So I am featuring two guest posts. The first, today, is from Bejewell. She was among the first bloggers I read, and she doesn’t get near enough exposure. She cracks me up all the time. When she went on hiatus/ break, I silently kept hoping she would come back. And she did. But before she did, I snagged her for a guest post. Thursday will be a post from Guiltysquid. These two women deserve to be read, a lot. Go do that. Not now, AFTER you read this post:

Top Five Reasons Why This Guest Post Will Suck

1. I’m on hiatus. About three months ago I put myself in a blogging time out and sent the Bean on summer vacation.  It was my own personal version of Eric Cartman’s “Screw you guys, I’m going home.”  (And if you don’t know that reference, get thee to a South Park marathon, pronto.  Pretty sure there’s one on, somewhere.)  So I haven’t written a single word in three months, unless you count the stupid captions of the ridiculous Photoshopped pictures of the Bean doing summer vacationy-type things, which I keep posting even though my mom and a couple of spinsters in East Peoria are the only people left visiting my blog.  (And I’m not so sure about my mom.)
2. Let’s just say, I’m a little rusty.
3. I’ve been on vacation. The Bean’s not the only one taking a summer break.  I spent all last week in sunny, 70-degree San Diego with my family, doing the zoo and the beach and Walt Disney.  (And if you’re muttering “That’s what she said” right now, you are both gross AND awesome and we should totally be friends.)
4. I’m no longer on vacation. My vacation ended this weekend and I came home to Austin, Texas, where it is currently ONE MILLION degrees outside and I actually have to WORK for a living and there is no beach or love or happiness of any kind.  I would say something here about how Austin and my job and everyone in the world can SUCK IT but I’m too busy icing myself down so I don’t burst into flames.
5. I didn’t get to go to BlogHer. I want to write a clever guest post, I really do — but honestly I just can’t think of ANYTHING except how spectacularly awe-tastic BlogHer ’10 was.  I didn’t actually go to BlogHer ‘10, but I know it was the BEST TIME EVER HAD BY ANYONE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD because I cannot open Facebook or Twitter or the Internet without being smacked in the face by a zillion messages from all directions reminding me of that amazing fact.  “We all got SOOOOOO drunk at BlogHer!”  “So-and-So HUGGED ME at BlogHer!”  “Can you BELIEVE we’re at BLOGHER?!?!”  “OH NO BlogHer is over, I’m so sad I just want to CRY BUCKETS!”  Yeah, I kind of want to cry, too.  But only because I can’t actually, physically stab you in the face.  Sadly, I’m limited to stabbing you only with my mind.  And I AM, people.  Believe me. In my mind you all have stabbed faces.
6. I’m bitter and hateful and jealous and petty and mean. Pretty sure this goes without saying, but let’s just make it #5 and call it a post, shall we?

Really…

I wasn’t.

It’s no secret that I hated BlogHer, that I left early, that I didn’t….fit in.

It’s true. I didn’t want to admit that, I didn’t want to be upset by it. I want to move on. But I can’t write anything until I write this post. Nothing else will come to mind.

So I vowed to change, to be more likable, to be less me. Smile more, chat more, pretend to be interested more.

And then I know if I do that, I would never write again. Not. A. Single. Word.

To realize that I was a NOT- not ‘part’ of the group, not invited when other bloggers I knew got together, not in the right place- cut me to the core.

Where does that leave me? The same place I have always been. On the outside looking in, on the periphery.

There are people that I finally got to meet in NY that I loved, and will go out of my way to meet again. Others I had been dying to meet, but a few seconds with them was more than I needed to realize that they were not for me.

I couldn’t find my mojo, my verve, my awesomeness.

This is the part where I vow never to set foot in BlogHer again. Except I can’t. Cause I might.

I’m hardcore like that.

I spend my entire life unprepared. Unprepared for the next day, unprepared to write my next post, unprepared to give a damn. You name it, I am winging it.  Hey, it keeps everyone on their toes. This is a totally normal conversation for me:

“What?! We have a meeting today? WHY DIDN”T YOU TELL ME?”

“You did? When?”

“That long ago…huh.”

“Oh look, here it is on my calendar.”

“Of course I’m prepared, I am INSULTED and HURT that you would think otherwise.”

And then my co-worker decides that she needs a drink, and I assure that her that, yes, there is a bar open at 10:30 a.m.

But today was even worse than usual. I have this BIG project going on, something that started off small and then just blew up.  And a big name blogger was supposed to come by my blog to have a look at the project info. UNPREPARED!!!

I hadn’t blogged in days, at least not here. I have actually pushed out seven posts since this weekend, but all for other projects. I was having serious writer’s block for my baby. I GOT NOTHIN’ y’all.

So in its place I put this disclaimer: THIS IS TOTALLY A MCGYVER POST PULLED OUT OF MY ASS TO PROVE THAT I DO BLOG…..sometimes.

So there are these rules in blogging. And bloggers love to write about them and why they are ‘good’ rules to follow. Of course, they aren’t hard and fast rules, the bloggy police don’t come out and hunt you down if break the rules, but nonetheless, they are out there. And I hate EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Not because I am trying to b e obnoxious, but because who needs that kind of pressure?! Here are some of those that really annoy me:

Try to post everyday- OK, I can do that, as long as, I don’t know, have to FEED MY CHILDREN or GO TO WORK. Who has the time for that? I know some people who post every day or mostly every day, but the turth is, I don’t read them all. Even my most favorite bloggers. It’s not that I don’t WANT to, I do (ok, I really don’t) but I don’t have enough patience to read all the posts they put out every damn day. I really admire their dedication and, for some, the ability to being the funny to every post- I just realize that I don’t have that kind of talent. I know that I have two regular categories that post to called “Daily Picture” and “Daily Rant” but if you followed this blog for more than a day than you know that it is rarely, if ever, Daily. And I don’t feel bad about that. (Mainly because renaming to it Whenever-the-hell-I-get-around-to-it-Photo is a pain in the ass).

Next rule, stick to one subject. Yeah….not gonna happen. I like to say that I know just enough to be dangerous. Plus like I say in my About page, I believe you should be blessed with my writings on whatever comes to my mind. Sticking to one subject  is constraining and boring for me. I know some AWESOME SharePoint bloggers, I’ll be happy to direct you to them. I know some badass Mommy Bloggers, just don’t call me a Mommy Blogger. I have links for some GREAT Geek blogs and stores, but I can’t post all my geeky stuff all the time. You get the picture. My tagline proclaims me to be “princess of randomness” and I aim to live up to that title.

Last rule, I like to break- Don’t discuss politics or religion. Why not? Just like  TV, if you don’t like my views you can bounce outta here anytime. But I’d rather discuss, argue even, with you. Why not? Why are we afraid to defend or stick up for our ‘values’ or ‘beliefs’? The best discussions are not with people who think like you, the best discussions are with people who DISAGREE with you.

I’ve seen two blogs alone this week fold. ‘Too time consuming’ is that main reason they cite (both were mothers of children smaller than mine, and I wish them both well). I would like this blog to continue for long time so I have only two rules that I stick to: Post whatever I want, whenever I feel like it.