Two minutes later, they were fighting- honest.

Look, you want to rent your overpriced townhouse and I got cash. See how we fit together here? Don’t tell me you don’t want to rent to me because of my black lab. Here are the things I have heard you say and my responses:

1) Pets age a house. Noooo, age ages a house, having renters move in and out ages a house. My dog lays on the floor. I don’t see the connection.

2) You only want small dogs. WTF?! Have you seen the damage small dogs can do? It disproportional to their size. You have confused cuteness with appropriateness for you home. Stop it, it’s stupid.

3) You want an extra deposit. I’ll pay it, but just know that the deposit should be higher for every person you rent to that has a teenage boy. Have you seen the wreckage they can bring? It’s freakin’ amazing.

Rent me your house, you’re probably broke from paying the mortgage every month it sits empty. And, unfortunately for you, there isn’t a tax break for stupidity.

This is my cat, Hook, who I’ve featured before. Hook only loves me for one reason and one reason only- I feed him. Here he is snuggeling with a paw on my shoulder as if to say- “If you move I want to know about it, on the off chance you might feed me.” I swear if I stay still too long, this cat will nibble on my fingers.

The snow has mostly melted, but I still have some great shots to share.

What..you want me to go to the bathroom, where?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You need your underwear you say? Well, I see that you just got out of the shower and that you are naked. I see that I am warm and comfy and come with retractable claws. Let’s say you go commando today, ‘k? I would hate for my claws to ‘slip’ as you try to pull me out of my nice sleeping place.

My dog has victim-itis. Don’t pet him enough and he will sit with his back to you and hang his head. Don’t invite him on the couch fast enough, he’ll s-l-o-w-l-y get on the couch and do the same thing. Here he is with his paw on your lap and the “why don’t you love me enough to give me TWO pig ears AND a cashmere blanket AND permission to kill just one cat” stare. Big baby.