In my tea? Oh, just some sugar and honey.

Sugar and Honey

Cookie. Yes, this is a post about a cat. A cat I went head to head with this morning. I have no shame in admitting that the cat won.

Here is how it went down.

Cookie had a vet appointment this morning. In fact, it is the last of the vet appointments for the WHOLE DAMN YEAR. She is also the only cat that goes outside. This morning she darts outside while I am feeding the dog. I go to get her, she dumps off the deck onto the fence – out of reach.

GODDAMMIT

Trace and I lure her back inside.

I WIN, BITCH!

Oh wait, today is trash day. I convince my son to take out the trash.

I think we all see what is coming. That cat laid in wait for my son to leave out the front door, and out she went. Never to be seen again. Well, never to be seen again before I left at 7:50.

I had to reschedule.

Cookie- 1, Amy- 0.

Tomorrow my daughter is 13. She will officially be a teenager. She is a smart, strong, and capable. She is everything I would want in my daughter. I have reached that awkward phase where I have to balance childish expectations with adult goals. Unsure what I mean? Here is an example;

Her sexuality is a constant subject. Sex is a subject. Here was her question from yesterday; “Mom, do you think my being gay is a phase?”

The honest answer is “It could be.” But I don’t want to say that, I don’t want to inflict my thoughts into a very personal journey. But she is waiting for an answer, so I do what I do best. Hedge.

“Well,” I say, “if it is or it isn’t, it wouldn’t bother me.”

She goes on to insist that she is gay and it is not a phase. And I go on to assure her that it truly doesn’t matter. The point I am trying to get across is lost. At 14 and 15, I was sure my calling was to be a missionary. I was going to spread God’s message around the world, and even went on a missionary trip to Guatemala. (I know you are laughing now, but, wait, it gets better).  I spent a lot of time at church and was feverent in my devotion. No one else in my family was religious, and I am not sure why this was how I choose to rebel…but, well…I am weird.

I think we all know how this story ends. I grew a brain, and realized that I was following some deity was just…. asinine. I have been agnostic ever since. But it is a great example of how I almost set my life course based on a really silly assumptions and childish apirations. What if I had followed through with it? I mean, can you see me, being a missionary? The missionary position, maybe..

I want her to have sexual freedom to do whatever she wants, and I suspect that, in the end, she will be partial to both sexes. I just don’t want her to say ‘I’m gay’ because, right now, boys are stupid. Ok, to be honest, boys are always stupid…but you get what I am saying.

However, she is making some semi-adult decisions. She has decided what high school she wants to go to, and what she needs to do to get there.

Tomorrow, she will be 13. No longer a child, not quite an adult. But certainly old enough to do the dishes.

Baltimore has a sweet tooth.

Domino Sugar Sign

As promised, a picture of my other Valentine’s gift. These are two medallions. One representing Gabriel the Archangel (with Enochian on the back side) and the other a reproduction of an ancient Persephone medallion. There is a backstory for these, but I am not going to share it. Just know it means something, something very special.

the front-

Gabriel and Persephone Medallions (Front)

and the back-

Gabriel and Persephone Medallions (Back)

I need one, apparently, so here you go.

And in case you want to complain in person, please come see me at my address;

Or Why We Suck at Driving

I have been driven in Guatemala,

{We are very near this cliff edge, bus driver.}

{We have been stopped by the police. Oh, he gave them some money, they are going away now.}

I have been driven and drove myself in England;

{I learned to drive a stick with the right hand, I can’t do this with my left hand!}

{Turning right, OH MY GOD I AM THE WRONG LANE!!}

{Gas is how much?!}

I have driven in Germany;

{You always stay in the right hand land unless you are passing.}

{If you are not the the right hand land and a fast car comes upon your bumper, the correct response is not flash the finger but to turn your signal on and move to the right so he can pass.}

{Yes, there are speed limits on the AutoBahn (120k, usually).}

{To show his displeasure at this driving, the car ahead of you will turn on his windshield cleaner so it sprays all over your car. Yes, very passive aggressive.}

{You always, always use your turn signal.}

{Gas is how much?!}

I have driven in Austria;

{Oh look the Alps. OH MY GOD THIS HIGHWAY IS HANGING OFF THIS MOUNTAIN, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.}

{Very steep incline, those runoffs are in case your brakes fail. Greeeeaaaatttt.}

{How am I supposed to park my Camary in that tiny little spot??!!}

{Gas is how much?!}

I have driven in Italy;

{Did that car just drive in the ditch to pass me?!}

{Did that car just drive in the middle of the road, with oncoming traffic, to pass me?!?!}

{I need gas, is the gas station open? No? Why not, it’s three in the afternoon?! When will it be open? Why are you shrugging?!}

{Who is supposed to go next at this intersection? WHY ARE YOU SHRUGGING AGAIN?!}

{Gas is how much?!}

But, it is here in the United States, that I really understand the concept of road rage -

{I just pulled in front of a semi truck, why he is yelling and using his jack brakes?}

{I can do 30 in the fast lane if I want.}

{Pfft, snow, who cares? OH MY GOD, WHY IS MY CAR SLIDING AROUND?}

{Turn signals? What are those? I have turn signals. They are top-secret stealth turn signals. You cannot see them. So there.}

{I MUST PASS YOU TO PROVE I HAVE A BIG DICK!}

{I must drive a big car because I need to prove I am affluent. Then I will complain about gas prices.}

{Gas is too high. Do not give me a lecture on global economics and fossil fuel scarcity, if I have to pay more than a dollar for gas, it is clearly a Republican/ Democrats fault.}

I’m getting a Vespa y’all. It has to be safer than driving around here.