Dear PR People – please stop sending me stupid emails like this;

Dear Editor (editor, thanks for the title, is there a raise with that shit?),

My name is Sophia Alexnader (no, it’s not),

I ran across your site today while searching for science related (Well, clearly you’re in the wrong place. In case you count this site as the science of bitching, then, yes) websites on Google. Your site is informative and a good resource and it prompted me to write to you. (informative of what?! How to piss people off in a hundred words or less?!)

May I send you a 400+ word, unique article to include on your site? (Hell, no. Are we done here?)

We’ll make sure it’s well-written, interesting, RELEVANT to what you typically talk about, and most importantly, 100% unique to your site. (Look, I appreciate it, but no one bitches like me. Thanks.) A well-written article will provide you with high quality content for your readers and give you a fresh content Boost in Google rankings. (My readers don’t come here for high quality shit, have you even read my stuff?!)

I ask for only 1 text link within the article back my site, to help promote my site in Google. (A catch? How shocking.) NOT to draw attention of visitors from your site – an inconspicuous link only) I’ve attached a sample article with this email, so you can get a feel for how we write, and the level of quality we provide. (I think I’m good, ass hat)

If you have any questions or need anything please contact me. (Nope, I’ll just publish this inane shit on my blog. You’re welcome.)

Thanks for your time and attention

(Bite me.)

I know this will come as a shock to you but I read a lot of blogs. If you follow me on twitter you know that there are some great bloggers out there that I follow religiously. There are always waves of subjects that go around and then other blogs pick up on it. The current theme making the rounds is “Let’s all get along”. It’s not a new premise, and usually goes like this “We are all women, all different, let’s support each other, not tear each other down.”

Bitch, I am not your sister.

Let’s support each other? We’re adults. That ‘everyone gets a trophy’ crap is gone. Put on your big girl panties and realize sometimes you suck. And I don’t have the patience or ability to dissemble like most people, so I’m going to tell you that you suck. If you think that’s ‘tearing you down’, so be it. I am sick and tired of women who complain about other women ‘not supporting them’. If you’re not out there busting your ass every day, you don’t get a break.

I guess I must be wired differently. I don’t know. But I do know this, I do not have infinite amount of love (or like for that matter) and most of that love is used up on my children. That leaves a tiny amount for every day bullshit. I am certainly not using it up on your sudden desire to make peace with every women out there.

Last, I will cut a bitch. If you and I are competing, we are competing. You can bet I’m not running for Miss Congeniality, I competing to win, to get the job, to be noticed, to be heard – and I don’t play nice. Now, if I don’t have a dog in the fight I’m all for supporting the woman. Me? Never going to be Secretary of State so, hells yeah, give it to a woman. Men have screwed it up long enough. Competing for blogging space? Oh, it is on.

Want to join around the ‘campfire’ and sing kumbaya? Great, have fun. Want to be success? Then remember there are women like me, and bring your A game. You’re going to need it.

(Look, I TOLD you the bitchfest was resuming. And this isn’t in response to anything in particular that happened to me lately, I just HATE false sincerity. That’s what these ‘let’s get along’ posts are.)

There’s a lot of blog fodder on the the internet, and whenever I think I’m going to write about it someone else writes about it better.

Here’s what I won’t be writing about, someone already said all I was feeling;

The tragedy in Arizona. John Stewart said it for me.

The nuttiness that is Amy Chua. Someone else wrote it better.

Ravens making it to the playoffs? I might have Steelers fans in my readership, so I’ll just wait until the Ravens win before I rub it in.

CES. I LOVED CES, major love. But all my posts will be on the lenovo blogs site. Look for that coming up.

And those are all the things I’m NOT going to talk about.

Now what should I write about? Hmm…..

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I see you changed you blog again. Care to tell me why?

No, not really.

Don’t be like that.

Fine. I put the social icons on the sidebar, they’ll get more use there. Also, I got rid of Networked Blogs and Google Friend Connect for three reasons; 1) I promised myself I would never play the numbers game and that was exactly what I was doing 2) Google Friend Connect has a big security flaw, and don’t want to expose my readers to that 3) Networked Blogs is completely useless. Last, I got rid of the blogroll. I just like a nice clean sidebar and getting rid of some stuff helped. Don’t worry- I still love those bloggers and will instead start to feature them in my Bucket of Awesome.

Well, don’t you feel special.

It’s because I AM special.

Anything else?

Some stuff behind the scenes, you may or may not notice. Like, the pictures now have a lightbox function.

What the hell is that?

Don’t  be rude.

Sorry.

If you MUST know, lightbox is a little script that pops out the picture. So, when you click on a picture it zooms in and darkens the rest of the screen. Go ahead and try it.

Cool.

Yeah, I know.

You are so smug. Any more changes coming up?

That information is confidential, move on.

Any New Year’s Resolutions?

I’ve decided to be nice to people.

Hahaha! That’s funny, you make me laugh.

I know, funny one, huh?

I hear you’re going to Vegas AGAIN.

I am, to the CES. With my awesome sponsor Lenovo*.

Does that mean we will have another hundred posts about Vegas?

No, most of my blogging will be done on other sites. I’ll link to it. I expect you to read it.

Meeting anyone special in Vegas?

This interview is over.

*My travel and accommodations during CES have been provided by Lenovo. All opinions and reviews are my own.

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I didn’t actually do anything on the internet this week. I’ve been busy. But I found some other awesome stuff for you:

First, some parenting advice:

Also:

Clearly, I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.

Safe workplaces are important.

Let me ruin Twilight for you.

And the war in Iraq.

And, last….here waste hours of your time.

Life is busy, and I’m easily distracted by bright shiny objects. Remember that dog from Up, who couldn’t complete a sentence with sensing a squirrel. That’s me, trying to write ANYTHING. And, of course, everything stops while I chase said squirrel.

(I just answered four tweets during the line break).

I have been trying to expand my writing by doing some ACTUAL writing. For respected publications and stuff. (Note: editors do not like it when you end a sentence with ‘and stuff’). I expected it to be a piece of cake. I mean you all come and read and I don’t hear any complaints from you. And not just because you know I would slap the taste out of your mouth if you actually tried to complain. Nope, it’s love. I can feeeeeeeell it.

(I just watched an episode of Burn Notice during that line break).

Turns out, I am not a good writer. Apparently there is a difference between writing a blog and writing for a publication. Even for the web portion of the publication. And on top of that, they have the NERVE to demand deadlines. I KNOW, who ARE these people, right? Don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to write in AP style’ crap. Nightmare, utter nightmare.

What am I doing wrong? I have no earthly idea. That’s not true, they are being super nice and trying to ‘develop’ my writing style. Mildly related: Develop has an alternate meaning- Putting up with your shit until you get it together.

Who knew I was such a bad writer? And so boring?

Stay tuned. Now to distract from my awful writing, here’s a picture of my kitten.

SQUIRREL!

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I get around, but in a good way. I know lots of sites have wrap-up posts at the end of the week. Well, here’s one at the beginning of the week. Mainly because I’m busy getting ready for BlogWorld (Where I’m staying at the Social Media Clubhouse 4! HOLLAH!). If you’re going make sure to find me:

Other places I have stopped by:

For those that don’t know I write for the Washington Time Communities.

Here are two recent posts; a post on posing stripped down, and another on too much pink.

I also write a book blog for GovLoop. I recently reviewed The Big Short (shorthand: Buy it, it’s a good book). The also featured me as ‘member of the week’. Have a read and find out more about what I do 9-5.

On my Social Pollen site I wrote about my take on the Thesis theme.

If you’re in the Baltimore area, we have a killer line-up for the Women in Social Media Event.

And, of course, my calendar site continues to be AWESOME!

Here are some things I love this week:

• Mustache Man Revealed!
• I tried this new social sharing app and loved it.
• I learned why I love October.

And there were these two videos which I have watched continuously for the whole week.

And this one:

And last I remembered the vital public service I perform:

And that’s it for my first wrap-up post. Tell me whether you hate or love it!

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