My kids are at camp for the week, and I’m taking the time to catch up at work. You know, the job that ACTUALLY pays the bills. So I am featuring two guest posts. The second (and last) is from Kelli (aka GuiltySquuid). She has become a close friend, and I’m lucky to have found her. She made me promise to publish this before I saw it, I swear I didn’t pay her to write it. And it may have touched my heart. Could have been indigestion, who knows. You can find her here. You can find Tuesday’s guest post from Bejewell here. These two women deserve to be read, a lot. Go do that. Not now, AFTER you read this post:

Last week, before Amy went to Blogher, she asked me to write a guest post for her. That night was insane. The same day she asked me I was coming off of two anxiety attacks in 24 hours, I was getting ready for my photoshoot for BBC2011, and I was packing to take my kids on a last minute vacation out of town.

In a nutshell? I was a mess. A hot mess. A horrible, barely held together mess who was likely to crack into a million pieces at any time.

For anyone else last week I would have said no, but this was Amy. Because Amy does a lot for everyone in her online network and she does it while asking very little in return. She will happily and cheerfully fix a broken blog while wielding snarky comments to keep you laughing and recognizing that the world has not ended and that yes, it can be fixed. She can be the glue that holds it all together.

So, after a late night of frantic packing, planning and downloading my Tom-Tom updates to install on my iPhone 4, I shut off the outside world and worked on a piece for Amy. I was actually pretty proud of it. It’s funny and full of pictures and basically the kind of post that makes me happy. Then I copied and pasted the code into a notepad file, attached it to an email and finally drug my tired ass to bed to wake up a few hours later to drive 100 miles to get my picture taken in a closet. (True story.)

I guess that in the updates on the phone and my exhaustion, I didn’t notice that the email came back as undeliverable.

And as we all know, Amy had a hard time at Blogher.

But she posted something else and I guess I just assumed that she didn’t like my post, or it didn’t fit her site, or something.

She assumed I hadn’t done it and blew her off.

Tonight we IMed about it all and all is well and I said I’d fire up the laptop and send her post off to her.

But instead? I have all of this rattling around in my head and I wanted to give y’all a little something different.

The Amys of the world are few and far between. Very few people give so generously of themselves and ask nothing in return. Amy has been really good to me since I came back and really started blogging to blog for real. She’s been a support system, a fantastic and selfless promoter of me, and she’s read every word I’ve written and commented on it. She’s included me in the amazingly awesome Blogger Body Calendar and given me an opportunity to do something for my daughter I would have never had the courage to do on my own. In short, she’s been a real friend.

The thing about me? Is that I think I’m probably a difficult friend to have, really. I am alternately needy and then so busy I don’t have time to talk for days. I get caught up in things and people have to practically YELL at me to get me to focus on something else for even a few minutes. Sometimes? I think I just imagine that my friends will be there to pick up where I left off and it all be okay.

I have a difficult time navigating the world of “girlfriends”, and that’s not easy for me to admit to you all.

I suspect it’s probably because my largest formative influences weren’t women at all. I’ve never been great at sustaining relationships with women and it’s likely due to the fact that a girl’s very fist real “girlfriend” is usually their mother and believe me when I tell you that I never had that kind of relationship with my mother.

So, I often miss the subtle context clues that other women pick up on with each other. I gravitate towards friendships with guys who don’t notice the awkwardness in me as much as women do. Or, if they do, they’ve never said. With guys, I can just hang. It’s all good and I don’t feel like I have to think about it as much. It’s a little different if it’s a guy I have real feelings for, because then? Like all relationships, it has the potential to get complicated and I don’t do well with complicated. I end up locked in a closet having an anxiety attack. That actually happens to me more than I care to admit.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic here. The point I’m trying to make is that I’m not good at the girlfriend type relationships. I have a few close girlfriends. I’ve made a few recently that I’m as comfortable with as I am with any guy. I’ve made one who is so perfect at just TELLING me what I’m missing and WHY that detail is important. But as far as I’ve come in this area (and believe me, it’s really come a long way) I’ve still got a long way to go.

I need to be better at noticing when a friend says something that is to point out that something is wrong. I need to be better at asking questions. I need to not feel (thank you all of my guy friends) that every problem a girlfriend has is one to be fixed. Sometimes, a girl has just gotta vent.

But mostly? I need to remember that friends like Amy are few and far between and sometimes. They need a little of what they give out to be given back to them. And I feel like lately I’ve failed her in that.

I hate that she didn’t have a great time at Blogher. Blogher, quite frankly, scares the holy hell out of me. It’s a social minefield that I’m not at all sure I’m prepared for navigating. But, I am sorry mostly that I couldn’t be there to say, “You know what? Let’s just go see the statue of liberty and talk.” or something that would have given her a good memory of her trip.

Basically, this whole new post is to say, Amy? Thank you.

And also? I’m sorry.

I know I’m an asshole, but thank you for being my friend in spite of that.

Diving back into blogging like I meant it has meant I’ve had to do a lot of things differently, and Amy has been there for me. To answer questions, to listen, to encourage or to just listen to me bitch. I’ve made more friends through the social networking involved that I could have possibly imagined.

Basically, I learning what’s so great about having a network of girlfriends and one of my biggest supporters has been Amy from the beginning.

Today I am appreciating Amy.

That is all.

P.S. This post may not seem like a typically Guilty Squid post, but that’s because I have DEPTH people. Layers, even. I’m a veritable seven layer did with two kinds of chips for sampling.

P.P.S. Unless some of the layers are fish and/or mushrooms.

P.P.P.S. There isn’t another one, I just liked the way the post scripts were flowing. I wasn’t ready to stop.

Really…

I wasn’t.

It’s no secret that I hated BlogHer, that I left early, that I didn’t….fit in.

It’s true. I didn’t want to admit that, I didn’t want to be upset by it. I want to move on. But I can’t write anything until I write this post. Nothing else will come to mind.

So I vowed to change, to be more likable, to be less me. Smile more, chat more, pretend to be interested more.

And then I know if I do that, I would never write again. Not. A. Single. Word.

To realize that I was a NOT- not ‘part’ of the group, not invited when other bloggers I knew got together, not in the right place- cut me to the core.

Where does that leave me? The same place I have always been. On the outside looking in, on the periphery.

There are people that I finally got to meet in NY that I loved, and will go out of my way to meet again. Others I had been dying to meet, but a few seconds with them was more than I needed to realize that they were not for me.

I couldn’t find my mojo, my verve, my awesomeness.

This is the part where I vow never to set foot in BlogHer again. Except I can’t. Cause I might.

I’m hardcore like that.

Just heard today that they are making a reality show about Mommy Bloggers, and appartently they are going to be ‘casting’ while at BlogHer in couple of weeks. Now you just know I’ve got some issues with this. Let me spell them out for you:

1) Again, it’s that stereotype that if you are a female and a blogger then the only way to get noticed is to be a Mommy Blogger. What a crock of shite. Too many female bloggers are getting pushed to the side because they choose not write about their progeny’s latest/ cutest/ bestest first step/ first haircut/ first step/ breastfeeding. I don’t have anything against MommyBloggers, but for THE LOVE OF PETE, can we reconginze that there are lots of great female bloggers out there, doing all kinds of blogging- instead of focusing on this ONE clique. Ugh. Double ugh.

2) Ever been around Mommy Bloggers? They are like sharks in the water when they smell blood. You think the Real Housewives series women are vicious? You haven’t seen ANYTHING. Is this REALLY the face we want for bloggers? I know tons of  bloggers: mommy, daddy, techie, sex, etc. They are all wonderful and drama-free. Think those will be the type chosen for this series? THINK AGAIN.

3) Will they be chosen for their writing ability or their selling ability? Hey, just asking.

Stand by for LOTS of snark, complaints, and insights into this little slice of heaven.

I spend my entire life unprepared. Unprepared for the next day, unprepared to write my next post, unprepared to give a damn. You name it, I am winging it.  Hey, it keeps everyone on their toes. This is a totally normal conversation for me:

“What?! We have a meeting today? WHY DIDN”T YOU TELL ME?”

“You did? When?”

“That long ago…huh.”

“Oh look, here it is on my calendar.”

“Of course I’m prepared, I am INSULTED and HURT that you would think otherwise.”

And then my co-worker decides that she needs a drink, and I assure that her that, yes, there is a bar open at 10:30 a.m.

But today was even worse than usual. I have this BIG project going on, something that started off small and then just blew up.  And a big name blogger was supposed to come by my blog to have a look at the project info. UNPREPARED!!!

I hadn’t blogged in days, at least not here. I have actually pushed out seven posts since this weekend, but all for other projects. I was having serious writer’s block for my baby. I GOT NOTHIN’ y’all.

So in its place I put this disclaimer: THIS IS TOTALLY A MCGYVER POST PULLED OUT OF MY ASS TO PROVE THAT I DO BLOG…..sometimes.

Today’s bucket of awesome is a lesson in how social media can take away your customers. I follow a blogger call @hushamanda who has a blog here. A couple of months ago, she started mentioning that she was working with the hosting company twenty70.com (here is Kelly from twenty70 twitter url). I wasn’t looking for a new hosting company, but I am always looking for interesting people to follow, so we started tweeting back and forth. Now, here’s part one of the lesson. Most companies when they get on social media only tweet about products or specials, or whatever. BORRRIINNGG. It’s rare to find a brand that is actually engaging it’s followers like Twenty70 hosting.

One thing my hosting company doesn’t do is allow for domain transfers. And I have domains ALL over the place. Twenty70 offered to consolidate them all, AND on top of all that gave me GREAT deal on hosting per month. So lesson two, be better than your competitors. You don’t have to be a LOT better, just a little, a little tweak to reel in your customers.

Well, I took the bait and I couldn’t be happier. I am now with Twenty70 hosting for ALL my blogs. The transfers went smooth-ish (I, uh, confused her when I was moving something over, so really it’s my fault. Go ahead show me your shocked face.)

For my next Bucket of Awesome I give you Twenty70 Hosting. (and psst….she has an awesome deal for bloggers, see it here)

This line is here because my html <br> aren’t working and I’m too lazy to fix it. Move along, nothing to see here.

So there are these rules in blogging. And bloggers love to write about them and why they are ‘good’ rules to follow. Of course, they aren’t hard and fast rules, the bloggy police don’t come out and hunt you down if break the rules, but nonetheless, they are out there. And I hate EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Not because I am trying to b e obnoxious, but because who needs that kind of pressure?! Here are some of those that really annoy me:

Try to post everyday- OK, I can do that, as long as, I don’t know, have to FEED MY CHILDREN or GO TO WORK. Who has the time for that? I know some people who post every day or mostly every day, but the turth is, I don’t read them all. Even my most favorite bloggers. It’s not that I don’t WANT to, I do (ok, I really don’t) but I don’t have enough patience to read all the posts they put out every damn day. I really admire their dedication and, for some, the ability to being the funny to every post- I just realize that I don’t have that kind of talent. I know that I have two regular categories that post to called “Daily Picture” and “Daily Rant” but if you followed this blog for more than a day than you know that it is rarely, if ever, Daily. And I don’t feel bad about that. (Mainly because renaming to it Whenever-the-hell-I-get-around-to-it-Photo is a pain in the ass).

Next rule, stick to one subject. Yeah….not gonna happen. I like to say that I know just enough to be dangerous. Plus like I say in my About page, I believe you should be blessed with my writings on whatever comes to my mind. Sticking to one subject  is constraining and boring for me. I know some AWESOME SharePoint bloggers, I’ll be happy to direct you to them. I know some badass Mommy Bloggers, just don’t call me a Mommy Blogger. I have links for some GREAT Geek blogs and stores, but I can’t post all my geeky stuff all the time. You get the picture. My tagline proclaims me to be “princess of randomness” and I aim to live up to that title.

Last rule, I like to break- Don’t discuss politics or religion. Why not? Just like  TV, if you don’t like my views you can bounce outta here anytime. But I’d rather discuss, argue even, with you. Why not? Why are we afraid to defend or stick up for our ‘values’ or ‘beliefs’? The best discussions are not with people who think like you, the best discussions are with people who DISAGREE with you.

I’ve seen two blogs alone this week fold. ‘Too time consuming’ is that main reason they cite (both were mothers of children smaller than mine, and I wish them both well). I would like this blog to continue for long time so I have only two rules that I stick to: Post whatever I want, whenever I feel like it.

This is me with my favorite blogger Marymac from Pajamas and Coffee. I LOVE LOVE LOVE her. You should too, but not in the creepy stalkerish way that I do.