(There is an update from BlogHer at the end of the post)

I don’t know how I ended up on Martha Stewart’s ‘list’. Maybe they googled “People who are the antithesis of Martha- effing- Stewart”. Cause that’s who I am. I mean, I want to cook the way Martha Stweart does, and then I realize that there are better things to do with my time (like rip my eyeballs out) and give up that brief and maddening thought. Nonetheless, I have been invited to another Martha ’shindig’.

What? You didn’t know that I have been to a previous Martha party? Well, I have- cause that’s how I roll. Actually, that’s how I fall- but I’ll explain that in a second. The reason I was invited to a Martha Stewart Omnimedia-queen of all Ltd party was because I attended BlogHer. One of the ways that the BlogHer women make money is to sell the lists of bloggers attending the conference. And sell it they do- to anyone. People get invites from everyone from Ralph Lauren to Martha Stewart to Nikon to no-name wine companies. The invites then become a popularity contest among participants- ’cause it’s high school, and also because the onsite parties are so ungodly lame. This is all said in retrospect. At the time I was flattered to be invited.

I dressed up, put on make-up, spent my last actual cash on a cab ride, and went down to the OmniMedia building studio. The first thing I did was fall, right as I was going in. I am sooooo graceful. Then I got to stand in line as employees herded us up to the ‘rooftop’ location for the shindig. Yep, herded. You were made to feel like an intrusion. Classy, right? We were then ushered through spacious hallways and office areas to our ‘party location’; which, of course, was the smallest area they could find. Then the fun REALLY began. Here are some other tidbits from that party:

• Small area, many, many, many bloggers. No room to mingle, talk, network, anything.
• Crappy food. Seriously, The. Worst.
• Crappy Products, with strange people talking about them. What am I? Your avon lady? I’m not selling your stuff. Why do I care what you are selling. Seriously.
• Really awful drinks. and weak. I would say thank God they were free, but I often look a gift horse in the mouth. This time I looked that horse in the mouth with a “You cannot be serious face.”
• Loud.
• That roof-top venue turned out to be a top floor warehouse office area. With windows. In August. Sun, glass, summer heat? Let’s just say it was a little warm.
• Did mention crowded? Did the sideways dance the entire time. You know the one, where you can only move sideways, while saying “Excuse me” “Pardon me” “Get the hell out of my way, please” and “If you block my way to the bar again, I’ll punch you.” Pretty standard for packed clubs, but this was supposed to be a cocktail party.

All in all, an awful party. Also the party had no focus? Why were they there? To see products that I can see in my local Target? I don’t put on make-up to look at Martha Stewart stuff at Target, people.

Even with all that mess, I still am somehow on her email ‘list’. This week Martha would like to invite me to preview some cabinets at an online get together.

No, thank you Martha. You throw the WORST parties.

Hi Amy:

re: “One of the ways that the BlogHer women make money is to sell the lists of bloggers attending the conference. And sell it they do- to anyone.”

I can personally assure you that BlogHer does not provide the email list of attendees to anyone. Not sponsors or anyone else. We are strict (and unusual) in that regard. This is not to say that sponsors and their PR firms don’t do their own mining of all the people talking and tweeting about BlogHer and send emails all the time. They also use the email addresses from business cards people drop. Or from when people register for their events. If Martha used Eventbrite or pingg or one of those services, and you signed up: They equate that with the right to use your, according to basic CANSPAM guidelines.

But BlogHer, the company, does not provide these email addresses.

Please let me know if you have any questions, and I really appreciate the opportunity to clear that up!

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I sent a phone pic of the Rayman Raving Rabbit to my son, and now he wants this costume for Halloween. Hey, does anyone have some pull at Ubisoft? (This is from a photo from the UbiSoft booth at BlogHer, the guy in the costume was so good about taking photos. Ubisoft was promoting a couple of games and one of the ones they were demo’ing was a Raymond Raving Rabbit still in Beta, should be out in November).

This is a set of two-story lights that were part of the conference area at the New York Hilton. I love that they kind of float in mid-air.

For complete BlogHer coverage you can see my story here.

If I was going to design a sign for swarovski, it would be as gaudy and as awesome as this:

Really…

I wasn’t.

It’s no secret that I hated BlogHer, that I left early, that I didn’t….fit in.

It’s true. I didn’t want to admit that, I didn’t want to be upset by it. I want to move on. But I can’t write anything until I write this post. Nothing else will come to mind.

So I vowed to change, to be more likable, to be less me. Smile more, chat more, pretend to be interested more.

And then I know if I do that, I would never write again. Not. A. Single. Word.

To realize that I was a NOT- not ‘part’ of the group, not invited when other bloggers I knew got together, not in the right place- cut me to the core.

Where does that leave me? The same place I have always been. On the outside looking in, on the periphery.

There are people that I finally got to meet in NY that I loved, and will go out of my way to meet again. Others I had been dying to meet, but a few seconds with them was more than I needed to realize that they were not for me.

I couldn’t find my mojo, my verve, my awesomeness.

This is the part where I vow never to set foot in BlogHer again. Except I can’t. Cause I might.

I’m hardcore like that.

These statues overlook the entry to iconic Macy’s in New York City.

When you are running a booth at a conference, and have access to the email list of attendees, it is PERFECTLY acceptable to send an email to those attendees to try to drum up interest in your booth and/ or product. But here are some guidelines when writing those emails:

1- Don’t write them like you just discovered all the cool things you can do with fonts. Make that noun green! Underline that one! Make that one red and italicaized! My daughter can write more professional emails than that.

2- Are you sure I care about your product? Cause you’re about 9 years too late since the last time I cared about breast pumps or sippy cups.

3- Are you tied in to a party I wasn’t invited to? Yeah, I’m a little resentful and jealous. Unless you’re handing out diamonds at your booth, I’m not coming.

4- Did you call me a Mommy Blogger in your email? Anytime I swear for five minutes after reading an email, it’s usually a sign that we are NOT going to hit it off professionally.

5- Does you message clash with mine? Well, OK, technically EVERYONE’S message clashes with mine. I’m like the plaid of blogger messages. You can’t ever find anything that goes with it. But still.

My point is, don’t spam me- TARGET me. And if I’m not in your target, it’s perfectly OK not to send me an email. We aren’t going to connect no matter what you do.

…

Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t care what’s in your email. I plan to spend all my time at the bar anyway.