Oreo does not care for your plebeian opinions.

Oreo is ignoring you

Cat food. You may not know this, but apparently this stuff is crack to cats and dogs. And I am not talking about the dry crunchy stuff, no, no, no this is what is called GUSHY FOOD.

Now, I love my pets. Well, 3/4 of them anyway. (WHAT?! One of them keeps peeing on the carpet, judgy mcjudgerson! He needs to go to cat heaven.) Like I was saying- love my pets, but none of them rate Gushy food. My daughter disagrees. She loves buying the wet food for the cats. And they love her for being a sucker.

And the dog? Well, he just wants a piece of action.

Our first mistake was to buy the food in the little packets. Oreo would get the empties out of the trash and gnaw them trying to get a taste. Then he moved up to getting the full ones and gnawing on those. Mmmm, tin foil flavored cat food.

Whatever. I got your number dog.

Next up we bought the cans. Remember how I complained about stepping on Legos? Yeah, those are nothing compared to cat food cans. Oreo slinks downstairs (in the middle of the night), gets a can and carries it around in his mouth. He doesn’t make a mess. He can’t chew the can open. But he carries that unopened can in his mouth as if to say, ‘Bitch, I am two opposable thumbs away from DINNER TIME.) So now instead of Legos all around the house, I have cat food cans from the top floor to the basement.

Next up, cat food cans full of Legos.

It’s not a dresser, it’s a multi-level cat bed.

Cookie in Repose

The other night I am laying in bed having this really weird dream. I dreamed that attached to my leg was this huge bug, almost like a lobster or a roach. I mean this…THING or monster (or whatever) covered my whole calf. And in my dream I am walking around with this thing on my leg saying to myself, “It’s no big deal, don’t freak out. It’s no big deal, don’t freak out.”

THEN this roach/lobster thing takes out a huge stinger appendage from its head and digs it into my calf. There was no way I could shake this thing off, it was ANNOYING.

Well, clearly we all know what this dream means, right?

Exactly, don’t have cats that try to sleep on your legs during the night. Because when you try to shake the asshole off your leg they will use their claws to hang on.

I am constantly having to remind people how hilarious I am. I don’t why- LOOK, even my dog thinks I’m hilarious.

Oreo thinks I'm funny

The puppy wasn’t for sale at the farmer’s market. Which is good for me, because I have enough pets.

I finally got all the pets in one place for a picture. Why is Venus looking at me like I stole her soul?

  Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 Social Pollen, LLC