Daily Rant
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-09-01 11:59:08 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
Earl, the hurricane, is coming up the East Coast. Even if it weakens considerably, Labor Day weekend is pretty much shot. This is for Earl:
Dear Earl- Seriously?! You’re an asshole. The End.
P.S.- This is for you:
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-08-28 22:46:13 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
Dear In Charge School Person-
My kids are headed back to school. My joy and anticipation cannot be overstated. But I would be remiss if I did not point out the obvious, so here it is In-Charge Person: “WHY ARE WE LETTING KIDS OUT FOR SUMMER FOR 2-3 MONTHS?!?!” It’s RIDICULOUS.
The current school calendar was developed when the United States was still primarily an agrarian society. I don’t know about you, but I don’t FARM. I don’t even know anyone who DOES farm. So, thanks, but no thanks, I do not need my children home to help with the crops.
Essentially, summer is one big headache for me. Many days, if I manage to be home from work, it’s too hot to do anything. Maybe you think camp would be a good experience for my kids? I agree. Want to pay for it? Sleep aways camps starts at $300 a week and only go up dramatically from there. As a single parent, that is out of my reach. We aren’t doing a whole bunch of vacationing either. There is no summer house in the Hamptons, no grandparents to visit for a extended period of time. Vacationing is too expensive and extended visits lead to homicide.
How about we restructure our school calendar to reflect our change in societal structure? We are now a post-industrial society, and that fact every year for 10-12 weeks I am required to shift around every one’s schedule because 100 years ago, most families needed their kids home to farm, is just wrong.
Let’s move to year-round schools, or the “9 weeks on 3 weeks off” structure.
Because honestly? These kids are on my damn nerves.
(Honestly, I do believe in year round schools, but to be fair here is an article that has both the pros and cons.)
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-08-23 00:28:26 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
I know that all of us have worked with some real douche nozzles in our time- we could spend days trying to one up each other on the people who are paid to walk to halls of our company and spread their particular brand of asshat-i-ness. But we can take a moment to honor the person who has THE most onerous co-worker EVER. Hoda Kotb. For those that don’t know Hoda co-hosts the 4th hour of Today with Kathie Lee Gifford. Yes, that’s right Kathie. Lee. Gifford. Every time I see her I have to ask, “Is this woman EVER sober?”. And with a guest? Oh man, no guest can get a word edgewise with this woman. She’s a train wreck. I feel so sorry for Hoda every day, so, so sorry that I had to post this tweet…
OK, it should have been ‘over’ not ‘off’, but you get the idea. So many people were like “I know!” that I had to make this (this is for you Hoda, just know that every day we go off to work we say to ourselves- “At least we don’t work with Kathie Lee”, way to take one for the team, Hoda.)
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-08-15 23:53:47 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
To the designer who said it was OK for women OF ANY AGE to go out in public in pants, shorts, whatever with words imprinted across their butt: You are the worst person ever.
Not even exaggerating.
Who tells these women “Of course, I take you seriously. No go outside and jog with Aeropostale on your ass” or “You have Susan across the back of you jeans. Does that mean you have a separate name for your ass or do you just REALLY like your own name and like to see it everywhere” or, my personal favorite “How adorable is my 7 year old with the word cutie across her butt? In two years we’ll move her up to the ones that say hottie, because we are awesome parents.”?
For the love of all that is holy, please don’t wear anything across you ass; at best you look like a bimbo, at worst you are calling attention to an area that maybe needs a little less of the spotlight.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-08-06 15:17:10 GMT. 4 comments. Top.
When you are running a booth at a conference, and have access to the email list of attendees, it is PERFECTLY acceptable to send an email to those attendees to try to drum up interest in your booth and/ or product. But here are some guidelines when writing those emails:
1- Don’t write them like you just discovered all the cool things you can do with fonts. Make that noun green! Underline that one! Make that one red and italicaized! My daughter can write more professional emails than that.
2- Are you sure I care about your product? Cause you’re about 9 years too late since the last time I cared about breast pumps or sippy cups.
3- Are you tied in to a party I wasn’t invited to? Yeah, I’m a little resentful and jealous. Unless you’re handing out diamonds at your booth, I’m not coming.
4- Did you call me a Mommy Blogger in your email? Anytime I swear for five minutes after reading an email, it’s usually a sign that we are NOT going to hit it off professionally.
5- Does you message clash with mine? Well, OK, technically EVERYONE’S message clashes with mine. I’m like the plaid of blogger messages. You can’t ever find anything that goes with it. But still.
My point is, don’t spam me- TARGET me. And if I’m not in your target, it’s perfectly OK not to send me an email. We aren’t going to connect no matter what you do.
…
Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t care what’s in your email. I plan to spend all my time at the bar anyway.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-07-21 20:24:17 GMT. 14 comments. Top.
Just heard today that they are making a reality show about Mommy Bloggers, and appartently they are going to be ‘casting’ while at BlogHer in couple of weeks. Now you just know I’ve got some issues with this. Let me spell them out for you:
1) Again, it’s that stereotype that if you are a female and a blogger then the only way to get noticed is to be a Mommy Blogger. What a crock of shite. Too many female bloggers are getting pushed to the side because they choose not write about their progeny’s latest/ cutest/ bestest first step/ first haircut/ first step/ breastfeeding. I don’t have anything against MommyBloggers, but for THE LOVE OF PETE, can we reconginze that there are lots of great female bloggers out there, doing all kinds of blogging- instead of focusing on this ONE clique. Ugh. Double ugh.
2) Ever been around Mommy Bloggers? They are like sharks in the water when they smell blood. You think the Real Housewives series women are vicious? You haven’t seen ANYTHING. Is this REALLY the face we want for bloggers? I know tons of bloggers: mommy, daddy, techie, sex, etc. They are all wonderful and drama-free. Think those will be the type chosen for this series? THINK AGAIN.
3) Will they be chosen for their writing ability or their selling ability? Hey, just asking.
Stand by for LOTS of snark, complaints, and insights into this little slice of heaven.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-07-15 00:16:01 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
Dear Amy,
If, before you fly off the handle about something, it would reeeeeaaaallllll nice if you would wait and get the WHOLE story. Because, when you get aggravated, you take it out on twitter, facebook, the dog, your laptop, and one unsupecting driver who may or may not have been driving 2 miles below the speed limit (new rule: no video tape- didn’t happen).
Also, do not fuel your rage with a large iced caramel latte (no whip) from Dunkin Donuts.
And then to find out it was nothing? What a WASTE of good righteous anger. A WASTE, I TELL YOU!
Last, avoid Twitter when something as inane and awful as “The Hills” finale is on. Tweeting obscenities to people who are talking about The Hills is not conducive to your inner chi. (Although, you are CERTAINLY within your rights and NO ONE blames you.)
Thank you-
Yourself
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-07-04 02:31:30 GMT. 7 comments. Top.
My son has now discovered that it is socially acceptable for boys/men to walk around without a shirt. I am beyond annoyed. It’s disturbing to watch a guy walk around without a shirt. Seriously. That shit never gets tan, so you walk around like some human beacon with your pale, white skin and YOU CANNOT UNSEE SOME THINGS. Sprinkle some glitter on that and VOILA! you’re a gay, mormon vampire. I think I will pull the same thing on him that my mom used on my brother. This is one habit I don’t want my son to start.
My mom instructed and pleaded with my (then teenage) brother to wear a shirt. But he had as much nauseating confidence in his physique as that dbag from Jersey Shore, so he thought he was doing the world A FAVOR by showing us his one-hair wonder of a chest. So my mother did what she did best, beat him at his own game. One day, my brother walked in the house again without his shirt on, and this conversation took place:
Mom: Didn’t I tell you to put a shirt on?
Rich: What’s the big deal? I’m not doing anything wrong…
Mom: You know what, Rich, you’re right. (Starts to take off her own shirt)
Rich: NO! NO! I’LL PUT ON A SHIRT
Well played Mom, well played.
My mother never had to have the “put on a shirt” conversation again.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-07-01 16:09:12 GMT. 5 comments. Top.
Gchat is an asshole. Correction, gchat is making ME look like an asshole, and I don’t DO anything. Normally, I would be all SWEET! recognition for stuff I didn’t do, bring on the wine. But, this time, I’m not so cool with it.
I am almost always connected, I have been known to nap with my phone and fall asleep in the middle of tweeting. Which makes those last tweets way more interesting than the other 6,000 before it. Sort of.
Anyhoo. Gchat is the IM client that I use and I like it because it’ right there in my email window ready for me. Except when I’m not there. Know what I mean? I have gchat installed on 3 of my computers so maybe it’s not me on IM it’s my daughter and she definitely doesn’t want to talk to OLD PEOPLE. But there are times that I am truly, absolutely AWAY. It should have a little symbol next to it saying I’m away. EXCEPT I have an Android phone. And, OF COURSE, the android phone has gchat on it, and of course, it signs me in anytime it damn well pleases. So the other person at the end using whatever IM application thinks- Hey she’s online. Never mind, it’s 3 am in my time zone and I don’t get up at that hour for ANYONE. Except if someone is puking. But nonetheless, I often wake up to IM chats I was never a part of:
*Hey you there?
*I know you’re online
*Man, you’re a BITCH
*Talk to you later
And there I stand bleary eyed in my kitchen feeling all guilty and shit, and I run to the computer to dash off an email (because that person is not online NOW why would they be online NOW) explaing I wasn’t around and to get back to me at their leisure.
To all my peeps out there, it may LOOK like I’m ignoring you but I’m not.
Unless I am.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-06-16 01:24:57 GMT. 10 comments. Top.
I honestly didn’t think a starlet could get on my nerves more than Kristen Stewart and her ‘I am so damn edgy’ attitude (Look me I’m an actress, who can’t act, and who doesn’t want media attention, but I’ll sign up to star in movie that has one of the biggest fan followings ever, and can you believe I have to act like fans are cool, and they are detracting from my ART) whatever.
But Katy Perry has managed to do it. And this how she did it:
WTF, Katy? W.T.F.
I like Katy Perry, for the most part, but her blue hair isn’t changing the world. Lady Gaga is however. Love her or hate her, I have lived through the Madonna years, and I can tell you no one comes close to Madonna’s star power, except Lady Gaga. To stay in that limelight you have to always be out on the edge, ridiculously so. Lady Gaga is on the edge (and sometime she drives right over it in her Alexander McQueen shoes, but those are the perils of such a strategy).
Lady Gaga recently released a new video for Alejandro. It has religious imagery and Gaga proceeds to sexualize and stomp all over that religious imagery. Which as you may or may not know, makes me happy. (Oh yeah, and free speech and all that, blah, blah, blah). But Katy Perry disagrees. To her it is the equivalent of a fart joke (I think she is dissing fart jokes, which is weird considering who she is engaged to and, also, I STILL think fart jokes are funny).
See?! Fart Jokes are STILL funny. Admit it, you laughed.
I guess we could expect it from Ms. Perry since she comes from a fundamentalist background.
BUT, BUT! Ms. Perry, get real, your breakout song was about kissing a girl. Which is hot, no mistake, but not my point. What IS my point, you ask?
NO ONE IS TAKING RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION FROM YOU, KATY PERRY
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-06-15 01:05:01 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
The Costco ladies are conspiring against me.
Now, I like store d’oeuvres as much as the next person. And like any good Costco shopper, I move right past the demo’s of hand lotion, straight to the smoothie and pizza. I could fill up in one Saturday afternoon spent at Costco. For the most part, (and as we ALL know), this are items I don’t buy on regular basis- I mean who needs a box of 200 mini-quiches? But my theory is, a free lunch is free food. And that my friends, is what dreams are made of.
Except for this one time, I come around the corner and the lady is demo’ing tzatzki- and in case you don’t know, I LOVE Greek food. But there’s an extra bonus with this demo- mini spinach pies. It was soooooo good. So good, in fact, that now every time I go to Costco, I have to buy this shit. Of course, NO ONE else eats this little slice of heaven in my house, so there I am buying 60 mini spinach pies and a 1/2 gallon of tzatzki. But it gets eaten, oh yes it does.
Costco clearly wants me to remain fat. So, in the true American tradition of blaming someone else for your faults, I think the Costco demo ladies are the source of my ‘shape’ issues. Costco can bite me. As soon as I sample this new cheese they’ve got out today.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-06-09 15:35:33 GMT. 12 comments. Top.
(Or, maybe it should be titled, I was going to write about one thing, but on the drive into work someone pissed me off and now I have to write about THAT. )
Rick Warren is an asshole. A slimy, ignorant, homophobic, misogynistic asshole. And THAT my friends, is quite a combination. Don’t know who Rick Warren is? Here’s the link to his Wikipedia page, which is pretty fair and benign. Until you get to political and social views. And then all you can think is- This guy is an effing tool!1
Here are some of this highlights2 -
- Thinks being gay is a ‘dangerous’ sin (yeah, because gays are certainly known for their violent temper)
- Thinks women in abusive relationships SHOULD STAY IN THEM. Why, you ask? BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAID SO
- Thinks Jews will realize that Jesus is God, and be ‘saved’
another gem…
- You’ll lose ‘rewards’ in heaven if you commit suicide.
WHAT? Is getting to heaven like having a Miles Card?
“Sorry because you committed suicide, you lose your Platinum Member for Eternity Status, so no gold house for you. But we do have a nice silver one. Yes, we know that you committed suicide because you were beat by your closeted gay husband twice a day- but rules are rules! Look at this way, at least you’re not Jewish, then you’d be IN REAL TROUBLE. Hoo boy, those motherfuckers aren’t even SAVED. Where do you think they are going? hmmmm?”
So, I was less than pleased when someone retweeted some of his vile garbage, about marriage. (And yeah, Rick Warren is on twitter, and yeah, people follow him, and no, I DON’T know why).
This was my response (The first part is HIS message, my comes after the >, just so you know):
RT @RickWarren Marriages that work take work.The grass isnt greener on the other side of the fence. It’s greener wherever you water it! >STFU3
and I followed it up with:
Yeah, you put that homophobic tool @rickwarren in my feed you get a STFU. #dontgetmestarted
If you’re on twitter today, make sure you tell Rick I said Hi- in my own special way, of course.
(For this post, I had to break out my ‘Stupid’ and my ‘I Hate You’ tag. A rare combination, even for me.)
Another Rant about Twitter
Last modified on 2010-06-02 17:51:58 GMT. 5 comments. Top.
Last time I talked about Twitter, I promised y’all that I would break up my gripes in bite-sized pieces. Well, here is another bite.
But first, an aside to those of you who are like- If you hate twitter so much, why don’t you delete your account. Weeelllll, suck it. Seriously.
There are a ton of reasons why I LOVE twitter, not to mention that the necessity of it in today’s blogging world. I have made real friends on there, and, if I have to explain that to you, then you don’t get it. Which is OK. I don’t ‘get’ everything, either. But quitting twitter is not an option for me. No, I don’t have a twitter problem, why do you ask? In fact, to SHOW you I don’t have a twitter problem, I will tweet about how I don’t have a problem.
What?
Anyway, on to my bitch. The follow/ unfollow game. To understand why I hate this game you must understand one basic truth about twitter that NO ONE likes to admit to outloud- your coolness is in direct proportion to you Follow/ Following Rate. For example: The essence of coolness: 2,000,000 followers and following only one person. Yes, I’m looking at you Conan. Although, for the record, I think that your wife is funnier. Next up The Loser: 234 followers and following 1,200 people.
This is why you always see the GET MORE FOLLOWERS tweet. Why middle aged white guys with cheesy pictures, and bios proclaiming them to be ‘Social Media’ gurus actually PAY for followers. More followers =more cool points.
Now, I have real aversion to supporting anything close to celebrity. In my world, no one is hot shit but me. I don’t care who you think you are, for the most part, if I am following you then you should be following me. Period. In fact, I have a set number of people that I allow to NOT follow me, and when it goes over that limit I start unfollowing until I get below it again (’cause you want to know- the number is 40). There are lots of websites that tell you who is not following you back, but I use friendorfollow.com.
Now, here is where the unfollow jerk comes in. This is a person that follows you, you get an email, check out their profile, think OK, I’ll return the kindness and hit follow. Then, THEN, I go to the friendorfollow website a few days later and see that THEY HAVE UNFOLLOWED ME. Hey, pal, I didn’t ASK you to follow me, you did that all your own. Nothing makes madder, so, of course they get an unfollow. Homey don’t play that.
What about the people I go and follow. I don’t send DMs or shout-outs (normally) I just wait for them to follow back, and again, if they don’t in a couple of days it’s HASTA LA BYE BYE BABY.
So if you are looking to beef up your follow count, don’t come to me, unless you are actually prepared to listen to my inane ramblings, my snark, and pearls of profanity-laced wisdom. Be afraid…be very afraid.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-05-30 01:03:46 GMT. 3 comments. Top.
There are too many times in my life lately when I have to stop and ask myself “When did I turn into this person?” It’s like there had been some sort personality trait switch with someone I’m not sure I like. For instance, I find that it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to be on time for ANYTHING. AT ALL. EVER. This post right here is a good example, I have tried to post it 3 times today, but, of course, have been distracted by such trivial things such as email, naps, and twitter. So if you read that I have died in some horrible baking experiment gone wrong, just go ahead and come to my funeral about 2 hours after the posted start time. I think I can make it by then.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-05-25 00:40:59 GMT. 12 comments. Top.
I just posted about Metamora, Illinois (talking specifically about Pac-Man). But it reminded of something that they served in school lunches that I have never forgotten. I have asked so many people about this, and every time they think I am kidding or making it up. So not. This was served as a dessert in the school lunches, and, as gross as it sounds, it was good. This was before the peanut allergy tsunami that has gripped our schools, but more importantly, before we actually started to notice what junk our kids where putting in their mouth. (which reminds that kids will eat the GROSSEST things, maybe I’ll post about that another time). SO TO ALL YOU HATERS OUT THERE- JUST TO PROVE I WASN’T LYING!!!- I give you the old-school cafeteria lunch statple- the peanut butter ball:
I got the picture from here (and there’s also a recipe).
So my Daily Rant is this: Who thought it was a good idea to feed kids this stuff? And then, who decided to stop?!?!
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-05-22 19:33:35 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
Paranoid much? Seriously y’all GET A GRIP.
This is how it went down. I’m on the phone talking to Mary from Pajamas and Coffee, and we are being catty about a certain rock star blogger. I had always given this person the benefit of the doubt, and, there was no denying I loved reading her stuff. She’s a trailblazer, and I wish her many good things. However, Mary told me something about the person I did not know, actually a couple of things and examples of her own issues with this person. I reconsidered my ‘benefits’. I took to twitter to announce my thoughts. Here is what I wrote:
@marymac just told me something about someone I had always given the benefit of the doubt. Well, their benefits just ran out.
Holy Complex, batman. The DMs and @ started pouring in. I was all, you HAVE got to be kidding me. First, if I was going to pick a fight with you, I wouldn’t do it on TWITTER of all places. Give me some credit. If I wanted to talk smack I would do it on my blog like a normal person, sheesh. Second, Mary is not like that. She is a super nice person (no, I don’t know why she hangs out with me- DON’T JINX IT), she would not talk bad about another blogger that we both knew personally.
So just get over yourself already.
kthxbai
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-05-19 19:02:26 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
As you may know, I am the mother of a tried and true tween, who I’ll admit I am little jealous of because she knows sooooo much {eyeroll}. And I’m pretty liberal on how I raise them. I even use words like boobs, penis, and sex around my kids. Though, to be clear, not usually in the same sentence. However, as I mentioned in this post, I have some issues with how much skin she can show. I never, ever, ever, ever thought I would side with the conservative mommies I so gleefully mock.
But I am. This is so wrong, so awful, I am calling the mothers of these girls out. If I knew any of you, I would go to your house, smack you upside the head, and give you a big “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!”.
What am I talking about? This. (this link might not work, the videographers keep trying to get it yanked…I’ll try to keep it updated.)
The song is awesome, and has a great message. Some of the dance moves are out of this world. And some are straight out of the world of “my ambition is to be slutty whore who makes her living sliding up down and pole.”
And the outfits?! You know the last time I saw outfits like that? Vegas. In a ‘special’ part of the casino, where the gamblers were entertained by ladies in skimpy costumes while they played blackjack. And, honey, if it’s tacky in LAS GODDAMN VEGAS…it certainly isn’t appropriate for your seven (Oh, yeah, you read that right S-E-V-E-N) year old daughter.
Jesus Christ, what were the mothers thinking.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-05-12 01:07:46 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
For the past couple of days I have heard nothing but how to save its life. An end is sad, we all know its sad. But come close, let’s talk…
I KNOW it’s hard to let go, but when death comes, nothing can stay it’s cold, steely hand. You must learn to let go and move on. We have moved past the denial phase, and it was ugly. It was like mass hysteria that we couldn’t accept the inevtiable death.
The anger stage was on everyone else’s part, mainly because of the mass hysteria of the aforementioned denial.
Now, we are in the bargaining stage, and it has gotten pathetic. Nothing can save it. Not even Harry Connick Jr.
Come into acceptance stage- American Idol is over. Let it go.
Don’t worry about the Depression stage, Glee is waiting in the wings to take care of you.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-05-06 01:13:19 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
There are some things that really, really get to me about twitter. I could write one big post about it or break down into small bite-sized bitch sessions. People, don’t EVER tell me I’m not a giver.
Dear Twitter User who LOVES to tweet quotes-
You’re a tool. I don’t come to TWITTER for life-changing advice. I come to twitter to find out when you change your socks. GET WITH THE PROGRAM. I don’t look for a quote from Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Winston Churchill, and think “Damn, that tweet altered my life!”. Here’s a quote for you-
“He who uses too many quotes on twitter is thought of as a douche, and gets an unfollow”- Me. (You have my permission to use it, like I said I’m a giver.)
You’re welcome.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-26 20:39:39 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
Hi Mr. Chrysler Sebring Convertible- Nice pearl paint job you got there. I was disappointed to notice that when I came out of the store you had parked next to me, and not only parked next to me, but you parked DIAGONALLY so that I had almost no room to get in my driver’s side door. You may have noticed, you may have not, either way you probably figured that I would do what any sane or rational person would do- go to the passenger side door, crawl across the seats, and, cursing the whole way, get into my seat that way.
But I didn’t, cause when I’m pissed, as I was at you Mr. Sebring, my rationality and sense run for their lives.
No, I opened driver’s side door, perhaps a little harder than I should have, but it wouldn’t have done any damage if I hadn’t had to SQUEEZE into my door. This caused my door to gouge into your side door. But, GOOD NEWS!, I got in. Sorry about that tiny little dent on the side of your car, you can hardly notice it. Like a tiny little scar from a knife- but I know it’s there and YOU know it’s there….and that makes me smile.
Have a good day.
And LEARN TO PARK ASSHOLE.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-22 13:41:56 GMT. 6 comments. Top.
You may know my cat Cookie, who I’ve written about here, here, and featured here? That little ball of fuzz that doesn’t even meow, she squeaks- that is how cute this cat is. The other night, Cookie brings me a gift. A cute baby bunny IN THE THROES OF DEATH CLUTCHED IN HER TEETH. Right to the screen door, not even kidding. So I did want any animal lover would do- I shooed her away and yelled at her to eat it somewhere else. Which immediately caused her to put the (STILL ALIVE) twitching bunny down by my door and walk around for a few minutes. Every watch a cute helpless baby bunny die slowly, yeah, well, it wasn’t on my to-do list either.
Finally (FINALLY) she picked the bunny back up and carried it out of sight. Next morning, I was informed that all that was left were some legs and backend. I don’t know how this 6lb. cat eats all that, but, still…ewww.
Since my separation/divorce, I have not missed having a man around the house too much. Except for right that moment.
I say again….ewww.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-18 23:53:59 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
When running late for something, it is apparently NOT OK to say “It was the volcanic ash” if you’re not actually flying somewhere. Who knew?
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-15 20:17:54 GMT. 3 comments. Top.
Look, just fill out your census so our country doesn’t have to spend money sending out people to TRACK YOU DOWN. Complain all you want, just get it in, because the people coming to your door don’t care WHY you didn’t send it in, they just have to ask you the same questions. And look how much more it costs. The census people are asking us to tell 10 people and since I figure that’s about how many people read this blog, I will do my good deed for the year and pass it on. (oh, it so does TOO count as a good deed).
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-12 00:45:41 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
When I get busy, I sometimes forget to take my anti-depressant meds. No, we are not going to get into a discussion on depression, women, and meds. Only to say if you have a problem with it- you can SUCK IT. No, this about me forgetting to take my meds TWO DAYS IN A ROW! I never notice the first day, but by the second day I start to get frustrated very easily and feel on the verge of tears for Oh, so many reasons. And, to top it off, my day sucked (even after I remembered to take my meds in the late afternoon). This sums up my day. I have been nurturing this oregano plant for almost a year, it had struggled but with a little babying and care, it had started to flourish. I decided to put is outside for for some sun and then this happened:
Damn, damn, damn.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-08 20:40:28 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
I saw this today on twitter and has to answer this here-
Why do people have to get in such a snit over what other people do that doesn’t directly affect them?
FIRST- you are on twitter, if you don’t want people to express opinions about COMPLETELY RANDOM things, then just posts stupid quotes and wait for the UNFOLLOW!
SECOND- NEVER EVER EVER EVER have I waited for invitation to give my opionion on ANYTHING, and I’m not starting now.
THIRD- snits are fun, and I’m entitled. The end.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-04-04 14:31:28 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
My son this morning: Do you know what so and so is?
Me: Nope
Son: Mom, you are a major fail!
(At this point I look up from the Halo lego toy I am putting together for him FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!)
Son: Except for that cool thing you are doing right now.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-31 00:58:15 GMT. 7 comments. Top.
Yes, I really want this divorce as much as my husband does, but the thought of going out there and DATING AGAIN? Holy hell. First, I am just gonna assume right off the bat that you are a child molester, so don’t EVER expect to meet my kids. Second, OK you’re NOT a child molester, you’re a serial killer. (No, I’m not nervous. Do I seem nervous? OH MY GOD, HE’S REACHING FOR A KNIFE!! Nope, just pulling out his phone. You can never be too careful.) Third, I seriously don’t think I’m ready to put my photo up on some dating site, and be all HEY, I THIRTY FREAKIN’ SEVEN, I KNOW YOU ALL WANT A PIECE OF THIS.
Single life is looking sweeter and sweeter. And cheaper.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-27 01:34:42 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Look, you want to rent your overpriced townhouse and I got cash. See how we fit together here? Don’t tell me you don’t want to rent to me because of my black lab. Here are the things I have heard you say and my responses:
1) Pets age a house. Noooo, age ages a house, having renters move in and out ages a house. My dog lays on the floor. I don’t see the connection.
2) You only want small dogs. WTF?! Have you seen the damage small dogs can do? It disproportional to their size. You have confused cuteness with appropriateness for you home. Stop it, it’s stupid.
3) You want an extra deposit. I’ll pay it, but just know that the deposit should be higher for every person you rent to that has a teenage boy. Have you seen the wreckage they can bring? It’s freakin’ amazing.
Rent me your house, you’re probably broke from paying the mortgage every month it sits empty. And, unfortunately for you, there isn’t a tax break for stupidity.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-24 22:55:00 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Would it be OK, since you don’t take credit cards, if you could cash my check with the FIRST MILLENNIUM that I give it to you? Have some phantom check out there that I wrote that you can’t ever get around to cashing is frustrating. SO GO TO THE BANK AND CASH IT ALREADY!
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-20 19:15:06 GMT. 3 comments. Top.
Sometimes on the weekend I run up to Dunkin Donuts to get my kids a truly nutritious Saturday morning breakfast. And they are ALWAYS busy, but the people in there move fast. Or as fast as the they can with guy who has decided to get a dozen donuts but has NO IDEA which ones he wants. Here is how that conversation goes:
Moron: Yeah, I want a dozen donuts.
Super Efficient Counter Person (SECP): OK, sir, which kind?
Moron: (Deer in the headlights look) Wha..? (REALLY? IS IT A SURPRISE THAT THEY ARE ASKING YOU TO MAKE THIS CHOICE? YOU ARE AT A DONUT SHOP!!)
SECP: (Standing by the donut rack with box and tissue paper in hand) Which kind of donut you want?
Moron: Ahh, lemme see…the chocolaty thing right there, a couple of glazed…
SECP: How many glazed?
Moron: A couple
SECP: Two?
Moron: Sure, and do those have sprinkles? yeah, I’ll take three of those, and I can’t see those other ones behind you, what are those?
SECP: These? Jelly
Moron: No, then I’ll have a French cruller, and, OK, give me some jelly
Me: (In the back of line waiting)- [Head Explodes]
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-20 01:54:13 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
Let’s save ourselves a whole bunch of time here, people. If you are a white man, over the age of, oh let’s say 35, married, and vehemently anti-gay- I’m just going to go ahead and assume that is because of your own self loathing of getting it on in the nearest Boy Bar bathroom with another guy. Sorry you hate gays, and therefore yourself, but I’m tired of hearing about State Sen. So-and-So, Sen. In the Closet, Representative Homophobic getting caught with his gay lover or coming home from a night of tea-bagging (and not the political kind, just so we’re clear). So you keep ranting about gays and how they ruin society and I will just assume you are gay and your ranting is your frustration at NOT having a pair big enough to come out of the closet. Deal?
For the rest of you already out of the closet- Well done.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-13 16:44:01 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
When you say something is PRIVATE, then the way I understand the English language, that means YOU DON’T TELL ANYONE. I trust you when you say ‘it’s between us’. That allows me to vent, to say things maybe I wouldn’t normally say, in short, to be myself. Now I don’t trust you. I advise you not to trust me, either, even if I say you can.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-11 21:33:20 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
One of my favorite twitter people is UberDorkGirlie. Now THIS is the kind of person that speaks my language so when I saw this tweet I knew that I had to investigate: 
Here’s the link again, if you want to confirm that there are stupid bitches out there that do this. I think UberDorkGirlie has summed every sane woman’s thought here nicely, don’t ya think? But just for good measure I will let you know that I had to create a new tag for this post- stupid. I am sure it is a tag that will get a lot of use.
Follow UberdorkGirlie here (her tweets are protected so you will have to ask for permission to follow).
Read her blog here.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-09 12:55:29 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Dear Blog Conference Organizer,
Your blog ‘bling’ is silly. I am not putting it on my blog to give you free advertising and take up prime space for that could be spent on ME. I make a PROFESSIONAL looking events page where I tell any interested parties what conferences I will be at, plus I will promote your conference on twitter. For those that want to use it, great- but DO NOT ask me why I am not using it. Keep your pink and blue scrolly thingy, thank you very much.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-06 13:30:35 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
If you chew like a cow, I hate you. You have no redeeming qualities. If you suck on your teeth, I hate you even more. To be able to resist the urge to smack you upside the head for your poor manners, I will have to move offices. Don’t take it personally, or do, either way is good with me.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-03-03 00:58:35 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Sometimes only Jack Nicholson can say how we really feel.
“Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here”
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-02-28 15:01:22 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
While what is going on right now is indeed sad and the very definition to turmoil- quit saying, “I’m so sorry”. Because I am not so sure that I am. Weird, huh?
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-02-26 15:12:01 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
I understand that running a blog conference is not your main focus in life. I get it, I really do. But if you say something will be done by a certain date, the proper etiquette is to have done BY THAT DATE BY COB. To keep people waiting is rude, and if it didn’t involve free stuff I would totally harass you on twitter.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-02-21 23:21:30 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
To the woman in exercise class- Dear GOD why would you wear that much makeup to a class designed to make you sweat? Yes, you probably noticed me staring at you in horror- it just goes to show that stupidity still has the power to stop my in my tracks.
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-02-19 01:50:11 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
No, really, take all the time you need. Honestly, don’t hurry up or anything. I have all time in the world to WAIT. ON. YOU!!!!
Daily Rant
Last modified on 2010-02-15 12:26:13 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
The one time that I forget my clock is an hour ahead is the one time that I set my alarm for 4:30 a.m. It is also the one time that I get up on time, get dressed, even put MAKEUP on and get out the door with 45 minutes. I thought I was doing so good, and even would stop at Starbucks for a morning cup of coffee, I looked down at the dash clock and realized it was an HOUR earlier than I thought it was. And whose fault is it? Mine, because 3 months ago I was too lazy to set my clock by an hour. Good news? I found the one time of day the DC beltway does NOT have a traffic jam.
